Because we need you

One day, you may hear things like
You owe your parents your life
Without them, you cannot achieve anything
Without them, there is no one for you to run to

Parts of those are true
But you know what
Without you, we are also nothing
Without you, there is one less joy in this life

Every joy and laughter
Is for us to enjoy
Every heartbreak
Is ours to heal

When you do well
We feel good about ourselves
We think we have done well
We think we are doing a lot better than ourselves

So my child
You are in this world because we want you
So never ever let anyone tell you
That you owe us

We only owe this life to The One
You owe us nothing
We are only doing what we think we have to do
And how very little we know what we have to do

So if one day
You find out that we make a mistake
Don’t hide it from us
You are our teacher, too

We need you
To show us the way too
To walk with us side by side
And not behind us

Don’t let anyone tell you
That you are disrespectful to walk beside us
We want you to be that way
Only then, you can be a strong human being


Inspired from a small lunch time talk with someone who said, “It’s us who need the children”. So true, isn’t it?. If not then why some of us try every corner to have a child?, or have another one?.

And yet, how sometimes we forget that we owe our children for the joys and sorrows in this life. I always dislike those who say that he’s or she’s done a great deal for the children. I always believe it’s both ways. It is not easy for children to cope with us as parents, I’m sure. We think we do things for their sake, while sometimes we dismiss the fact that there are times we do things for our sake: pride, social status, and other things that make us feel good about ourselves. So without them, we cannot project ‘the better us’ to the outside world, can we?.

That small talk reminds me, that it is us who need them, maybe more than they need us. And may that reminder live forever, so we know when we do something for our children, we owe it to them to make it feels good for them too.


(R I R I)

Chloe – A Story of a Hidden Passion?

Watched the DVD of the movie last night.

It was a story of Catherine (Julianne Moore), a successful doctor, who begins to question her husband David's (Liam Neeson) fidelity. She sets out to resolve her suspicions with the help of an alluring young woman, Chloe (Amanda Seyfried). Soon caught in a web of sexual desire, Catherine finds herself on a journey that places her family in great danger.

Well…that was the brief synopsis of the movie written on the DVD’s cover. Turned out to be more interesting than that.

Turned out that Chloe who was a hooker, actually was attracted to Catherine instead of her husband. And she created stories to report to Catherine, about things that her husband did to her, just to make Catherine thought that her husband was really not loyal to her and would ask for a divorce. So all that Chloe did, was to get closer to Catherine and at the end, to own her.

I thought at first that Chloe was trying to seduce David to be with her. So it was quite a surprise when at one point, Chloe ended up seducing Catherine in a hotel room. The room which Chloe said was just used for her and David to sleep together. And yet, Catherine and Chloe ended up sleeping together, after Chloe seduced Catherine. Whoooaa!….really unexpected!.

Unfortunately though the basic idea was actually very interesting, and Amanda Seyfried played very well, but the story was not developed very well. It ended up quite too easily by Chloe getting killed at Catherine’s and David’s house, with not too much drama. Well, except for the fact that she got their teenage son to sleep with her, on the couple’s bed, and got her orgasm looking at Catherine’s shoes and dresses instead of looking at the son’s face…haha…poor guy.

And it was a pity that Catherine's sexual experience and its aftermath was not explored. It would be quite interesting actually to see her own dilemma. Surely that could have a great impact to a woman who's never had such experience.

Nevertheless, despite the too easy ending and the undeveloped plot, the movie did tickle me a little bit.

It was almost that this movie actually told us that there is actually a hidden passion inside everyone. I am being a little naughty here, yes. But think about it. If you are a woman, who considers yourself ‘straight’ by whatever standard, being seduced by another woman, what will you do?. Especially when you are in desperation to win your husband’s heart back. In desperation to get some romance back into your life. In desperation thinking that you will lose him forever to another woman. Would you give in to the seduction easily?.

Ah, just a naughty thought.

(R I R I)

Puzzles

I am not very good at assembling puzzles. Not when I was 5, and definitely not getting better now. I never really liked playing puzzles as a kid, either. To me the pieces of a puzzle seemed like a bunch of headache inviting stuff that I have to get away from.

But lately, I have been thinking of them. Puzzles of my life.

I wrote somewhere before, that I believe everything in this life happens for a reason. Sometimes, we don’t know what that is, until some time. And when we find that reason, we may or may not accept it. Or maybe we don’t even try to find a reason.

Off late, maybe because I’ve got too much time in my hand, or just a factor of getting older, I have been thinking of reasons for some things that happened in my life.

I think God wants to teach me continuously during the course of my life. I guess maybe God thinks I am not such a good student, so I was given a lot of tests. Testing my nerves, my patience, my will to get to something worthwhile, and sometimes I think, my reasoning power. That is, just to see how good my brain works and how much I want to exercise it. So a puzzle with many pieces was given to me. And the pieces were given one by one, giving me time to try finding a place to fit it into the whole. Not without difficulty, obviously.

If I look back, I don’t think I’ve experienced a lot of difficulties in this life. I pretty much went on OK all the time. Never had big dreams, and yet at the same time getting some things which I think, were extraordinary considering I never wanted nor tried to get them in the first place. My sister used to say that I was always the lucky one amongst the both of us, the one getting through life a lot easier. And come to think of it, I never felt the urge to try thinking why a certain thing happened, because I was just having fun with each piece. I thought it was an easy puzzle to solve. And maybe, without realizing, I began to take God’s game for granted.

That went on till I got married. And problems occurred when we tried to have a baby.

Never really understood then, why on earth did I have to face one problem after the other. And I tried finding a reason. Just to make peace with myself, and to avoid blaming things that I did not even understand. At least try not blaming anyone, or anything.

I think now I understand why it happened (or is happening again now). After having such a smooth time growing up and getting older, I should probably go through something more difficult. I should deal with a piece of puzzle with jagged edges, one that doesn’t really fit anywhere within that ‘easy’ puzzle that I have dealt with in the past. God’s just given me a tougher piece to deal with, because I have been so lazy.

It annoyed me, and right now I am really annoyed. Pissed off, even. Because I don’t like dealing with puzzles in the first place, and definitely not with a difficult one!.

But I’m not a quitter either. Well, at least I don’t think I am. A bitch when faced with challenges maybe, but not a quitter. So, I still search and search for a place where this puzzle will fit. In the process I may learn something, or not. Who cares. This time I just want to beat the challenge that God’s given on my plate. And to show that I am not giving up on God’s mercy and love. For if He (never like using a He to replace God, but saying God all the time sounds strange…anyway…) gives me this challenge, then I am sure He thinks (does He think?) that I am worth the challenge. And that’s like when I challenge Tara to solve a problem, out of love, so that she knows the feeling of victory.

Not sure what my whole puzzle will look like. I am sure God will continue giving me pieces to solve. This jagged piece has not found its place, yet. One thing I know now though, that I should never take this game for granted. For only by working on it, I know how blessed my life actually is. That even when this game draws tears at times, there will always be a place for the piece that has made me cry. And when I look at a particular corner, it just makes me realize that some pieces, really fit well together and they make my life, nice and meaningful.

(R I R I)

A bond that never breaks

It has become a habit for Tara to have someone read her a story before she sleeps. At night, sometimes, Cip and I try to get away from this task by telling her to ‘ask mommy’ or ‘ask daddy’ whenever Tara asks someone to read her a story. Usually, I do that out of sleepiness. I am the sleepy head amongst the three of us, while Cip and Tara seem to share the same ability: making their eyes wide open until odd hours.

Then one night, all three of us joked around in the bed as usual, until Tara got sleepy and finally asked for a story to be read. I said to her, “Ask your daddy, make him busy rather than busy with that laptop”. And she looked and me and said, “No I want you to read to me”. I asked her, “But why, daddy’s good in reading stories”. She said, “Because, you are my favourite, mommy”. And that was more than enough for me to jump and search for a book.

Many times I am unsure if she gives me compliments to get what she wants, or if she really means it. Most of the time, I never bother. But that night, somehow, I was touched. And I guess partly because I just finished reading the two series of ‘The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants’.


These books contain touching stories about how hard it is, actually, to be a teenager. And how the four friends, support one another through the thick and thin.

There is Lena, whose parents are Greek but she cannot speak a single word of Greek. She is described to be the most beautiful of the four. But she grows up feeling that many people like her because she is beautiful. That no one, especially boys, ever really looks her in the eyes and tries to understand her as a whole person. She becomes cautious and reserved in building a relationship with others. She does not trust anyone, apart from her three close friends.

Carmen, a half Hispanic. Who often feels that she is an outsider for her half Hispanic root. Her parents are divorced, but she maintains closeness to both. But that closeness tore her apart when her father’s decided to re-marry. She felt rejected, but did not really know what to do about her feelings. Luckily there were her friends to pull her through.

Tibby, who often feels that her parents provide a lot of things at home to bribe her. She was an only child until, nearly a teen, her mom gave birth to a sister and then a brother. She feels a stranger in her own home. And seeks refuge in her hobby – creating short movies with her iBook.

Bridget, or Bee. A girl who loves soccer and is very good at it. If Lena is beautiful overall, Bee has amazing hair that is always successful to turn boys’ heads to her direction. And on contrary to Lena who tends to hide behind her beauty, Bee flaunts it. She is a determined girl, including when she’s got an eye to a boy. She will do what she can to get what she wants.


I was immersed in these stories because to me parts of them reminded me of my own confusion as a teen. Especially when it comes to relating with my mother. The times when I felt angry at her for things that she would not explain. Things, that years later, she finally explained and then I knew why she did not do that when I was only 17.

My confusion for things that I could not tell my mother, especially when they were about boys!. How I just drew myself away from her when she told me I was too young to fall in love. And again years later I realized that she was right to tell me so.

Or the times when I could not understand why in a marriage, couples just drew apart. We never spoke about it. But then now I know why.

The Sisterhood series have told me about more things than just about friendship between four teenage girls. These books told me about a bond that never breaks – no matter how far one goes. They also told me about providing a space for my girl.

As a mother of a little girl, I am somehow reminded by these books that there will be a day when she will perhaps ‘slip through my fingers’. There will be times when I cannot reach her, no matter how much I want to. And reading these books, I somehow feel secure. It’s about letting her be free and find things for herself. I will not always be there to protect her heart, anyway. Or maybe, I will break her heart, too. Just like what I accused my mother did back then. But then again, I needed all that. And so will Tara one day.

And just like what I experienced when I was a teen, I hope Tara will also find great many friends. Not necessarily to have a ‘Sisterhood’ (I find this so American), but just some close friends with whom she can confide in. I had great friends who pulled me through (and a couple of dogs, too). Together we searched through many confusing things that were happening to us. And we survived them all. I hope Tara will have that too.


Then there was one morning, I was working and was suddenly reminded of an ABBA song in Mamma Mia that I really like. I searched the web, and found the lyrics….


Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time


Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile


(Slipping Thru My Fingers, ABBA)


I could feel my eyes swell when I read it. And when I searched YouTube to listen to it, Tara came to me and sang with me. She is also in love with Mamma Mia and all the songs. So together we just sat side by side, our heads together, and sang this song. At the end she looked at me and smiled. She doesn’t understand what this song means, not yet. But nevertheless, that moment I knew we have shared something. All the way to school she hummed this song. And I felt warm inside.


Ah my baby….you will slip through my fingers one day, just like I slipped through your grandma’s. But I know it’s YOUR journey someday, not mine. So I’ll collect as much as I can, till then.

And I hope one day you’ll read ‘The Sisterhood’ series and can find great adventures just like the four friends. At the same time may you find out that a bond of hearts, does not break easily. And that one day you also know that a mother makes stupid mistakes, only because she is afraid of losing her daughter.

Love you, my lil girl…

(RIRI)

Sendiri untuk Bersama

Kadang-kadang, Cip dan saya suka ngobrol remeh temeh tentang kami. Dan akhir-akhir ini, frekuensinya jadi agak sering. Karena kami sedih, prihatin, dan juga, ada sedikit rasa takut. Beberapa kali kami menerima kabar teman-teman terdekat kami mengalami kesulitan dengan perjalanan kebersamaan. Dan itu membuat saya dan Cip jadi suka ngobrol dan melihat ke dalam, apa kita ini sudah cukup solid?.

Salah satu pertanyaan yang dulu sering sekali ditanyakan oleh ibu saya di awal perkawinan kami adalah, mau jadi pasangan seperti apa sih kami ini. Satu pergi, satu ada di Jakarta. Kadang kami berselisih jalan di airport. Waktu itu belum ada Tara. Setelah ada Tara-pun, kami berdua masih sering terpisah jarak. Padahal, di awal perkawinan saja kami sudah terpisah selama setahun. Dan waktu Tara masih berupa janin 4 bulan, kami terpisah lagi selama hampir 5 bulan.

Lalu waktu Tara sudah berusia 3 tahun, kami bikin kesepakatan. Kami tidak akan mungkin bisa menghentikan desakan hati untuk menjelajah apa yang bisa kami jelajahi di bumi ini. Tapi tidak mungkin untuk selalu memboyong Tara ke semua tempat yang ingin kami jelajahi. Jadi, sepakatlah kami bahwa kalau ada waktu untuk salah satu di antara kami untuk pergi ke suatu tempat, pergi saja. Dan itu membuat baik saya maupun Cip beberapa kali traveling sendirian, dan bergantian sekaligus jadi ayah dan bunda untuk Tara selama beberapa waktu.

Beberapa kali saya, dan mungkin lebih sering Cip, ditanya oleh teman-teman kami. Kok bisa sih jalan sendiri-sendiri terus?. Iya ya, kok bisa ya?. Rasanya jawabannya cuma satu: kami memang sama-sama butuh ruang itu.

Saya pernah tanya pada Cip, ”Are you sure kita ini akan baik-baik saja dengan kebutuhan kita untuk punya ruang pribadi yang sedemikian besar?”. Dia cuma melihat saya dan bilang, ”Kalau kita nggak punya ruang pribadi, terus kita ini mau jadi apa?. Kamu ya kamu, aku ya aku, nggak akan pernah bisa jadi satu orang, ya kan?”.

Dan iya sih. Saya rasanya akan jengkel juga kalau Cip tidak mengizinkan saya sendirian sekali-sekali, dan sebaliknya. Kami berdua mungkin ketemu pada saat kami sudah demikian terbiasa dengan kesendirian, dan melakukan banyak hal sendiri. Jujur saja waktu kami memutuskan menikah, the idea of having to meet the same person day in day out, itu agak mengerikan buat saya. Jadi waktu kami menikah dengan penuh kesadaran bahwa 3 bulan sesudahnya Cip akan pergi ke Eropa untuk setahun, itu buat saya jadi semacam pembenaran, bahwa anyway saya memang tidak akan pernah bisa menjalani 4L: Loe Lagi Loe Lagi.

Dan karena kami sering terpisah, baik karena pekerjaan ataupun desakan hati untuk bertualang, saya malah jadi makin menikmati pada saat kami bersama. Detik saya membuat tulisan ini, Cip ada di hadapan saya. Dengan muka tertekuk mengerjakan PR dari bos barunya. Tapi saya menikmatinya. The fact that he’s there, is more than enough. Rasanya mungkin kalau kami ketemu terus setiap hari, saya tidak akan pernah bisa menikmati detik-detik sederhana dari sekedar keberadaan fisiknya. Dari sekedar melihat kernyitan dahinya yang semakin banyak seiring matanya menatap nanar layar laptop. Dari sekedar mendengar helaan nafasnya. Dari sekedar membatin melihat kebiasaan buruknya minum es pada jam berapapun. Hal-hal remeh-temeh yang, saat dia tidak ada, saya kangeni.


Semalam, kami ngobrol lagi tentang kami. Dan dia bilang sesuatu yang buat saya, was very true, sekaligus juga membuat saya jadi amat mengerti kenapa dia tidak pernah keberatan walaupun kadang ditinggal sendirian.

Dia menggambarkan perasaannya waktu minggu lalu saya tinggal ke Singapura, ”Aku seneng bisa nikmatin kesendirian, seneng karena bisa pulang jam berapapun tanpa tahu ada yang nungguin. Tapi yang paling penting, aku tahu aku punya tempat pulang, aku nggak sendirian ngejalanin hidup. Ada kamu dan Tara walaupun waktu itu secara fisik kalian nggak ada”.

Kebersamaan memang harus diresapi, dirasakan di hati. Dan bukan melulu dianggap sebagai cara menjalani kehidupan fisik, yang akhirnya mungkin membuat kita jadi take things for granted. Cara kami menjalaninya, adalah dengan berpisah sekali-sekali. Karena keterpisahan membuat kami sadar, bahwa kami memang saling membutuhkan. Dan sejauh apapun kami berjalan, baik saya dan Cip akan pulang kepada ’kami’. Lalu berharap, apa yang dibawa dari berkelana sendiri itu, akan mengayakan perjalanan batin sebagai ’kami’.

Mari meresapi kebersamaan, bagaimanapun caranya.

Cip di Vietnam, Desember 2009. Saya biarkan dia bertualang sendirian, karena hanya dengan cara itu saya bisa mengenal Ciptadi secara utuh...

(RIRI)

Books to Treasure

I just finished immersing myself in a series of books which I think, are worth to keep for the next generation to read.

The Mysterious Benedict Society. So imaginative, and has captivating plots. A rich story about friendship, working together, and coping to live with others though sometimes they can be annoying.

I love each of the main characters:

• Reynard 'Reynie' Muldoon. An orphan who is good at practical problem solving. Very observant, can read between the lines. Often looked at by his friends for his ability to make the complicated, simple.
• George Washington, or Sticky. A fast reader, reads everything, and everything that he reads, sticks in his mind. Hence the nickname. He knows everything that's in every written material. He has photographic memory. But different from Reynie who is very calm, Sticky is a nervous boy. Polishing his glasses when he is nervous is his habit.
• Kate Wetherall. Very resourceful, athletic teen. She carries a bucket filled with all sorts of things - from a Swiss army knife to a bag of marbles. She is fearless, and will fight with anyone who is trying to harm her or her friends
• Constance Contraire. A two years old with such intelligence. She also has a psychic mind - able to detect things before they happen. But being a two year old, she is also stubborn, and sometimes projects herself as someone who lacks manners.

These four geniuses met in the Mysterious Benedict Society - formed by a Mr. Nicholas Benedict, or Mr. Benedict. They passed several tests (described meticulously in the first book) that Mr. Benedict developed to screen those who could be part of this group. One of the questions that I really loved in that test was: Do you enjoy watching TV? (or something in that relation, I forgot what the actual question was). And these four kids’ answer was NO. Oh how I adored that part!. To me it’s a support to my belief that kids who enjoy doing other things more than watching TV, will have a lot more in their heads.

Mr. Benedict himself is a brilliant thinker. But he is not only a genius; he is also compassionate, and eager to teach the kids about how to live this life with a heart and not just with a brain.

The society was formed to fight a Ledrophta Curtain, who was actually Mr. Benedict’s twin brother who was separated at birth.

In the first book, Mr. Curtain wanted to rule the world by erasing everyone’s memory with a machine called The Whisperer. And so the four kids, with Mr. Benedict, his two assistants and a secret agent named Milligan (who later was found to be Kate’s father), had to put up quite a strategy and real fights to abort Mr. Curtain’s evil scheme.

--

I have finished reading the second book, which was as captivating as the first one. These books are filled with interesting riddles, and puzzles, and cute little dramas of the kids when they got on each other’s nerves. Especially when Constance threw some of her not-so-great moods, being a toddler. The dynamic between the four personalities, as well as between the kids and the adults around them, is so touching as well as it is mind-opening. How the adults treat each kid with respect – when sometimes kids are ‘seen but not heard’. How Mr. Benedict always tries to tell the kids a lesson or two about life, and about people, when they are confused and scared.

I really recommend this series to be kept ready in your bookshelf. If your kids love adventure, I am sure they will love them.

If they don’t, or you havent' got kids, well, you will still be able to enjoy it. It’s a dreamland that we have forgotten to immerse in thanks to our duties. To me it’s a reminder to step back and just let my mind wander off. To remember what I felt when I pretended to be a pirate when I was a child. It’s simply delightful.

the second book - reunion after a year of the first adventure, that led the kids to yet another adventure

I have not read this third book, but am sure it will be as captivating as the first two books...

"Don't mess with a dress!"

Saya tak ingat persisnya, kapan Tara mulai keranjingan Princess: himpunan karakter khayal yang melibatkan nama-nama seperti Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, atau Belle dalam Beauty and The Beast. Yang jelas, peer influence sebaya playgroup-nya memang susah ditentang. Subtil tapi efektif.

Setelah setahun, semua benda kesehariannya menjelma serba Princess. Tas ransel, sepatu, kaoskaki, piyama, tumbler, buku-buku, sisir, jepit rambut, sendal, dan stiker-stiker yang menempel di pojok-pojok rumah kami. Kontras dengan poster-poster Syi’i yang dipasang Oma-nya, di sudut rumah yang lain. Belakangan, ia juga minta beberapa gaun princess.

Begitu gemarnya ia, sampai-sampai di tiap usai menonton VCD/DVD, atau menutup buku-buku Princessnya, Tara akan memerankan satu atau dua fragmen kesukaannya. Mengkhayalkan tarian di grand ballroom, mencoba sepatu kaca, atau pesta-pesta kecil di kastil. Tapi yang paling buruk dari semua sandiwara-nya adalah: prosesi pernikahan. Aaaargh..!

Meski suka senyum-senyum sendiri melihat polah Tara, yang lebih sering, saya dan Riri akan saling pandang suntuk, mengutuki lini produksi Disney ini. Kami berdua memang suka senewen dengan ide dan visualisasi tentang Princess: pangeran tampan, kastil dan menara yang serba gemerlap, menikah, pertolongan peri-peri sihir yang serba instan. Dan terutama, konsep menyesatkan tentang happily ever after itu..

Walau demikian, ada juga karakter favorit kami. Ialah Yasmin, teman Aladin dari kisah 1001 malam. Unik karena -- berbeda dengan putri yang lain -- pengembangan karakter Yasmin lebih mengarah pada petualangan dan ‘pemberontakan’, ketimbang jatuh cinta, pangeran, dan kehidupan mapan di istana.

Yasmin melarikan diri dari istana untuk merasakan kejelataan dan hidup. Yasmin menjinakkan kuda liar bernama Sahara. Yasmin nekat mengikuti lomba pacuan, dan mengalahkan Aladin yang curang. Yasmin menjadi tutor anak-anak di lingkungan kerajaan. Yasmin memelihara macan..

Dalam banyak kisah, hubungan Aladin dan Yasmin digambarkan lebih menyerupai teman, ketimbang pasangan. Kawan bergelut, dan bukan “Pangeranku, oh, pangeranku..” Meski Aladin memiliki Jin (sebagaimana Nobita punya Doraemon), Yasmin tak pernah sekalipun digambarkan memanfaatkan fasilitas itu. Bandingkan dengan Cinderella atau Briar Rose dengan semua sihir yang mengelilinginya..

Saya berharap Tara bisa lebih banyak terinspirasi dari karakter Yasmin, ketimbang yang lain..


[…]

Lalu Barbie. Ya, Barbie.. Sebagaimana usai playgroup, anak kami memasuki TK, maka episode lanjutan dari Princess adalah Barbie.

Buat kami, ini sakit kepala yang lain lagi. Jenis yang lebih buruk: semacam projeksi dari kekosongan jiwa dengan kompensasi kecantikan ragawi. Dan putri tercinta kami, adalah konsumen setia gagasan ini..

Siapapun yang dulu menciptakan Barbie, tentulah dia pebisnis manipulatif, yang tahu persis bahwa mimpi Amerika pasca perang dunia kedua -- tahun-tahun menjelang kelahiran Barbie -- adalah kelimpahan materi dan kesempurnaan badani. Bahwa kemolekan adalah penanda kesuksesan.

Belakangan – setelah Barbie mengalami defisit imajinasi – peremajaan dan ekspansi dilakukan. Mereka mengadopsi legenda dan kisah klasik untuk diletakkan dalam framework Barbie melalui karakter-karakter molek dengan badan yang seragam (seperti hasil rekayasa genetika), mengkilap serupa plastik.

Maka munculah Barbie Fairytopia, Barbie Mariposa, Barbie Swanlake, Barbie Nutcracker, 12 Dancing Princess dan seterusnya..

Untungnya, sesekali waktu, ada juga yang waras di Mattel. Ini saat mereka mengeluarkan, misalnya, Barbie and The Three Musketeers, September 2009 kemarin.

Alkisah, Corinne dan teman-temannya memiliki cita-cita aneh, yakni menjadi pemain pedang untuk membela negaranya. Mereka hendak menjadi Musketeers. Tentu mereka menjadi bahan olok-olok, sampai saat mereka menggagalkan sebuah upaya kudeta, bukan dengan kemolekan, tapi dengan benda-benda tajam di genggaman dan duel-duel seru.







Berempat akhirnya menjadi musketeers andalan, dan anak-anak dibuat ingat pesan Bunda Corinne, saat anak semata wayangnya meninggalkan pinggiran Paris untuk menggapai cita-citanya: “True courage is pursuing your dream, even when everyone else says it's impossible..."


Yang paling hebat dari edisi ini adalah keberanian Corinne untuk menampik cinta Pangeran dan memilih berkelana ke seluruh penjuru Perancis, menjadi seorang Musketeers. Sebuah penolakan telak pada pakem happy ending ala Amerika..


Tara, tergila-gila pada film ini. Berhari-hari ia menggunakan semua benda di rumah, dan menjadikannya sebagai senjata: pedang, cambuk, dan bahkan kipas. Ya, kipas ganda adalah favoritnya. Tentu buat dia amat cool, melihat kipas dapat digunakan sebagai senjata duel. Ia mengajak ayahnya bertarung. Beradu senjata dengan bunda. Ia mengambil pose berkelahi, dengan berbagai gaya. Di tempat tidur, pada jam-jam khayalnya, ia bertarung sendirian. Dan dia hapal benar salah satu baris paling penting dalam filem, yang kini menjadi mantranya. Yakni saat Corinne menggertak keroyokan lawannya. “Don’t mess with a dress..!”


OK, menurut saya tampang Corinne yang ke-barbie-barbie-an itu benar-benar membosankan. Dan rambutnya yang tergerai-gerai itu benar-benar tidak memiliki selera. Tapi passion dia pada petualangan membuat ia cantik..


Yes, beib. Don’t mess with a dress! Jangan anggap remeh perempuan! :)


(CIP)

Ternyata saya mencintai Jakarta...

Pernikahan mengubah orang.

Pasti itu banyak yang meyakini. Baik atau tidaknya perubahan itu, wallahualam. Tergantung pribadi masing-masing, mungkin. Tergantung kacamatanya – minus atau plus. Dan tergantung bagaimana menyikapi perubahan itu sendiri.

Buat saya, pernikahan saya dengan seorang Ciptadi, mengubah saya dalam banyak hal. Baik atau tidak?, hanya saya, Tuhan, dan Ciptadi yang akan saya biarkan menilai. Yang lain, tutup mulut.

Salah satu yang berubah sejak saya menikah dengan Cip, adalah bagaimana saya memandang Jakarta.

--

Saya hidup di kota ini seumur hidup saya.

5 tahun pertama hidup saya, kami tinggal di pinggir kali Angke yang waktu itu masih terlihat dasarnya, di Pesing (coba cari di peta Jakarta). Teman-teman saya anak nelayan, atau anak tukang kayu di sekitar kali. Papa pernah menangkap lobster dari kali di belakang rumah. Kami punya 7 ekor anjing. Saya juga masih ingat pohon asam raksasa di halaman depan rumah, katanya ada hantunya tapi untung saya tidak pernah lihat. 4 atau 5 pohon flamboyan di pinggiran halaman, yang membuat tanah halaman warna warni dengan bunganya yang berjatuhan. Kadang-kadang kami lihat biawak berjemur. Di pinggir kali. Di bawah jemuran. Atau ular yang memutuskan untuk berjalan-jalan ke dalam rumah.

Waktu pabrik Kedaung dibangun dan beroperasi di pinggir kali Angke, ayah dan ibu saya memutuskan untuk pindah. Alasannya: karena ibu saya jadi parno setiap kali pulang kantor dan menemukan bagian dalam hidung anak-anak perempuannya hitam seperti jelaga.

Kami pindah ke Mampang. Walaupun saya dan kakak sempat ngamuk karena halaman main yang jauh lebih kecil dibanding rumah kami yang lama, tapi Mampang menawarkan sesuatu yang lain. Dingin. Pagi berkabut. Sore-sore berbaju hangat. Pohon-pohon dan kebun-kebun. Jalan-jalan tikus yang menyambung satu gang dengan gang yang lain, yang di kepala kanak-kanak saya seperti labirin yang memanggil untuk ditelusuri. Sapi melenguh dari kandang sapi tetangga di belakang rumah.

Nah. Itu jejak-jejak ingatan awal saya tentang Jakarta. Indah.

Seiring dengan saya beranjak dewasa, saya makin kehilangan rasa itu. Mungkin sama dengan banyak teman yang lain, di mata saya Jakarta jadi raksasa yang kotor, padat, berdebu, tidak bersahabat (apalagi kalau status kita adalah ‘pejalan kaki’), panas. Dan tidak enak-tidak enak lainnya.

Lalu, saya ketemu Ciptadi.

--

Dari Cip saya jadi melihat Jakarta dari kacamata yang lain. Cip selalu membahasakan dirinya ’anak desa’. Dia tidak besar di Jakarta. Dan mungkin, karena itu Cip bisa melihat hal-hal yang masih indah, yang sulit untuk saya lihat.

Cip pernah mengajak saya napak tilas ke daerah jelajah keluarga kami waktu saya masih kecil. Menelusuri daerah jalan-jalan keluarga saya dulu: Glodok, Kota Tua, daerah pelabuhan, all the way to Pesing, lalu, Marunda. Hampir seharian kami keliling Jakarta Pusat dan Utara waktu itu. Dan saya melihat daerah yang sekarang kotor dan terlupakan itu dengan kaca mata yang lain.

Bendera-bendera perahu-perahu nelayan yang berjejer itu cantik. Pelabuhan dengan kapal-kapal besarnya kalau malam, bisa jadi pemandangan indah juga (dan memang iya. Waktu kami kecil, kalau malam minggu, Papa sering mengajak kami nongkrong di pinggir jalan dekat pelabuhan, minum sekoteng, sambil melihat kerlap kerlip lampu kapal-kapal besar). Tempat pelelangan ikan dengan jalan rusaknya itu, pasti asik kalau kita datangi subuh-subuh. Pantai terbuka di KBN itu, enak juga buat leyeh-leyeh di mobil siang-siang, kalau lagi bosan lihat yang rapi-rapi. Dan seterusnya.

Lalu Cip juga yang membuat saya meng-apresiasi ulang Pasar Seni di Ancol. Lalu Monas. Lalu Taman Suropati. Lalu Taman Gajah di Menteng. Kaki lima di Menteng. Kaki lima di Jalan Sabang. Jalan Jaksa. Daerah Menteng dan bangunan-bangunan tuanya. Distro di Tebet. Dan deretennya jadi semakin panjang.

Ada beberapa hal yang Cip apresiasi sekarang, sudah saya lakukan sebagai anak kecil, atau remaja. Thanks to him, saya diingatkan lagi tentang hal-hal itu. Dan untung juga saya ketemu dengan Cip. Kalau tidak, rasanya nggak kebayang harus tetap tinggal di Jakarta yang makin penuh ini, kalau pasangan saya tidak bisa melihat Jakarta dengan kacamata yang lain: ’hidup’, asik, seru, berwarna, indah dengan segala kekotorannya, dan, sedang belajar berbudaya dengan segala rupa polesan acara kebudayaan. Ya lumayanlah, sudah belajar.

--

Mungkin kata-kata ’mencintai’ terlalu romantis dan ’dalem’ untuk digunakan. Tapi yang pasti, ini kota gue, tempat gue lahir dan besar. Magelang dan Suliki, asal kedua orang tua saya, itu adalah halo. Bayangan suci yang sakral tentang ’akar’ saya. Tapi Jakarta is ingrained in me, karena saya bernapas di udaranya sejak saya lahir.

Jadi, kalau saya tidak belajar mencintainya sekarang, kapan lagi?. Sebelum dia tenggelam, entah oleh tsunami atau ulah kita yang menanamkan beton-beton besar di sendi-sendi tuanya.

(RIRI)

Jakarta, Jakarta...how we have been cruel to thee...

Living in Jakarta, is like having sex with someone so ugly yet so skillful in giving you the orgasm that gets you addicted. You can’t stand the face sometimes, but you can’t get enough of her touches, her kisses, even her foul smelling breath.

How many times have we been so schizophrenic about this city?. Let’s see. How many times have we cursed Jakarta’s polluted air?. Traffic jams, especially on Friday nights?. The piles of garbage?. The flooding sewers in the rainy seasons?.

At the same time, what praises we have also uttered. The lights are beautiful from so and so building!. XYZ restaurant is so marvelous!. ABC mall is exciting!. Blabla salon has skillful hairdressers!. Naninanina has gorgeous clothes!. Sale, sale!, let’s catch them before it’s over!. And so on, and so forth. At almost every corner of the city, you reach your orgasm, your ecstasy, your cloud 9, whatever it is.

Every now and then, there is always a new place to visit. “A creative lifestyle and entertainment” I read one ad on one of the crossing bridges at Jl. Rasuna Said. And there you see, the same brands of restaurants and what have you. In my eyes there is nothing creative at all in those names, but hey, this ugly bitch called Jakarta is skillful, remember?. You will walk in every single place feeling good that you have been there. Again, there you are. Reaching your ecstasy. You have seen, and also, been seen.

So I wonder sometimes, what are we complaining about, when we are complaining about this city?.

I have been living here my whole life. I have never known what it’s like living in others. Yes, two years in Melbourne but I would not call it ‘living’. I would call it ‘stopping by and trying to blend in’.

I have to admit that I, like many of you, have uttered the same curses to the same things that you have cursed. It is hard not to see the ugly face of Jakarta.

But, today, I laughed at myself. I laughed at those of us who still curse this city, while at the same time we ask it to continue servicing us. What horrible manners!.

I drove from Menteng to my house this afternoon. Passing through Jl. Rasuna Said just about the right time it was beginning to be packed with traffic. And oh how I laughed at us.

How could we curse the traffic when we could actually make a difference?. I looked at the bikers passing by. I admire them. Up till now it is still an idea in my head – to bike from house to office. It is not a long journey either!. And yet, so many reasons not to do it. What a shame!.

Or have we thought of car sharing with neighbours?, relatives?. I think even I have to think long and hard now.

As I played with that thought, two cars in front me, I saw someone throwing away his cigarette butt to the road. What?!. And we complain about the sewers getting stuck?. Yes of course we all know those sewers and drainage systems have crooked constructions, but, what have we done to make sure they are not getting more crooked?. Don’t people know that for every single garbage they throw out of the window, it contributes to the pile of garbage in the sewers and drainage systems?. Not to mention how it then pollutes our already polluted beaches?.

It is sad to see that many citizens of Jakarta actually treat their own place of living as a garbage bin. Don’t they know that it is like saying they live IN a garbage bin?. Yuck. Forget about blaming the government for it, not everyone has to clean up after us.

As I got stuck in the middle of traffic, I looked at the office buildings. Hey, you guys, who complained about PLN (our beloved electric company), have you ever thought of switching off the lights in the office as you walk out of its door?. Yes, PLN has its fault. But, we contribute to that, too, ladies and gentlemen. Have we been responsible in using up energy?. Looks like, we have not, by the looks of how many floors with lamps on in the buildings, whenever I happen to pass Jl. Rasuna Said at 10 or 11pm.

I pity Jakarta. This city is tired. Of being exploited because it is so good in making us feeling good about ourselves. Of being cursed yet at the same time never been given a chance to ask for help from any of us. Nor have we ever cared enough to lend a hand to this tired ugly bitch.

In fact, she is not ugly at all. It has its charms, so let’s stop calling it ugly (I should stop calling it ugly….and should some people who I know have called it ugly). What are we without Jakarta?. Jobless, really. Unless you can create opportunities somewhere else, shut up. As long as we still hang on to the body of this tired old lady, why don’t we just be kind to her?. Before we curse on anything about this city, let’s stop and ask ourselves, what have we done to help it.

And hey, many of you have mistress. You call it Bandung, Yogya, Makassar, you name it. Our family calls it ‘The Cocoon’. Go to your mistress on the weekends, or whenever you want. And when you come back, stop complaining. And be kind to her.

Have a good weekend!.

(RIRI)

Menggugat, atau digugat, cinta?

Lolita.

Saya nonton film ini tahun 1998. Dibintangi oleh Jeremy Irons dan Dominique Swain. Ceritanya tentang Prof. Humbert Humbert yang jatuh cinta berat pada anak induk semangnya. Dolores Haze, atau Dolly, atau Lolita, atau Lola. Dia lalu menikahi si induk semang demi selalu dekat dengan Lolita. Ndilalah si istri kemudian menemukan buku harian sang profesor yang isinya adalah segala impian dan keinginannya sebagai laki-laki kepada perempuan, yang notabene adalah anak remajanya.

Si istri marah, merencanakan melarikan diri bersama anak perempuannya, tapi lalu ia meninggal karena tertabrak motor tidak jauh dari rumah mereka. Merdekalah si profesor, dan ia berkelana dengan Lolita, berkeliling Amerka, dan bertualang atas nama cinta.

Sejak nonton filmnya, saya tertarik untuk membaca karya asli dari Vladimir Nabokov ini, salah satu dari beberapa karya sastra yang paling berpengaruh di dunia. Beberapa minggu lalu, akhirnya saya selesai baca novel terjemahannya (oh kapan ya novel-novel berbahasa Inggris bisa lebih terjangkau harganya....mimpi dulu deh). Dan, saya jadi kasihan juga pada Prof. Humbert Humbert.

Dalam ilmu psikologi, ada label yang diberikan buat orang-orang seperti si profesor. Pedofil. Hiiii....sebagai seorang ibu yang mempunyai anak perempuan, saya selalu merinding kalau membaca berita-berita yang berkaitan dengan kelainan yang satu itu. Tapi, membaca Lolita, saya melihatnya dari kacamata yang berbeda.

Lolita ditulis dengan menggunakan sudut pandang si profesor. Betapa ia menderita karena secara tiba-tiba kehilangan pujaan hatinya saat ia remaja. Dan bayangan sang pujaan hati itu yang ia bawa sampai ia dewasa, sampai akhirnya ia merasa bertemu lagi dengan sang dewi dalam bentuk seorang Lolita. Tapi itu jadi perjalanan cinta yang berujung tragis. Sang profesor terjebak, terkungkung, tersiksa.

Sampai akhirnya ia berhasil berkelana dengan Lolita selepas kematian ibunya, Prof. Humbert tahu bahwa ia tidak pernah memiliki hati Lolita. Sementara ia mencurahkan segalanya untuk sang dewi, Lolita memperlakukannya sebagai gudang uang. Lolita ternyata juga tidak sepolos yang Prof. Humbert kira – hubungan seks sudah dikenal oleh gadis kecil itu. Dan akhirnya, yang saya terjemahkan adalah, Prof. Humbert-lah yang dimanipulasi oleh Lolita, dan bukan sebaliknya.

Ada satu masa di tengah pengelanaan mereka dimana Prof. Humbert sangat ingin Lolita juga mencintainya seperti ia mencintai Lolita. Tapi Lolita tidak pernah merasakan hal yang sama. Dan meranalah Prof. Humbert dengan perasaan curiga dan ketakutan, bahwa satu hari, Lolita akan pergi meninggalkan ia sendiri.

Akhirnya memang Lolita berhasil melarikan diri dari Prof. Humbert. Dan bertahun-tahun si profesor merana menahan perasaannya, tidak menemukan lagi sang dewi dalam anak kecil manapun yang ia lihat. Sampai kemudian ia mendapatkan surat dari Lolita yang ketika itu sudah berusia 17 tahun, sedang hamil, miskin, dan membutuhkan uang.

Prof. Humbert datang menemui Lolita, dengan masih membawa cintanya. Masih berharap Lolita akan kembali, membiarkannya mencintainya, dan berharap Lolita satu hari bisa memberikan cintanya. Tapi Prof. Humbert harus pulang dengan tangan hampa, lagi, sendiri.

Di bagian ini saya tersentak. Tiba-tiba mata saya berkaca-kaca membayangkan si profesor melangkah gontai dengan wajah tertunduk. Sekali lagi harus kehilangan cintanya.

Can you imagine feeling that way?. Watching the one you love slipping away, turning her or his back on you? Not caring for what you are feeling for her or him?.

Memang buku ini bercerita tentang seorang pedofil, yang dari kacamata kita, abnormal. Tapi, perasaan yang dipunyai Prof. Humber juga sangat normal kan?. Itu perasaan yang kita semua bisa miliki. Dan pada akhirnya, novel ini untuk saya adalah bercerita tentang cinta yang menggugat, atau digugat, oleh si perasa cinta itu. Pedofilia atau tidak.

Saya bukan akhirnya memihak pedofil dan bilang bahwa itu adalah perilaku yang bisa diterima. Tapi buku ini mudah-mudahan bisa jadi pengingat buat saya, bahwa yang kita lihat sebagai abnormal juga punya sisi-sisi yang normal. Dan pada akhirnya abnormalitas atau normalitas itu selalu relatif.

(Note saja. Waktu saya cari informasi tentang Lolita, dan saya ketik di google, saya jadi nyengir sendiri melihat hasilnya: beratus-ratus pornographic site. Setelah membaca novelnya, saya agak sedih juga. Karena Lolita, sebetulnya cerita yang menyentuh tentang cinta dan kesendirian. Hanya karena bungkusnya tentang pedofilia, lalu terkesan sangat seksual. Padahal di novelnya, penggambaran hubungan seks antara Humbert dan Lolita itu sangat halus dan tidak vulgar. Ah manusia, memang punya daya interpretasi yang menarik :))

(RIRI)

An invitation

You were with me last nite, all nite long
You were with me, visiting all those batik workshops when dusk hit
You were there when this morning I strolled along the narrow lanes of Laweyan
and prayed in a 500 years old mosque

This is an invitation Riri…next time …



At 9:43 - a text message from Ciptadi who was in Solo till this morning.

Such a great way to start my day in the office….thinking of our possible next trip together!. And it’s made me dreamed of the days when we can just grab our backpacks and go exploring this God given wonderful world…before it quits on us.

Sometimes, when there are natural disasters, I can only pray for that. That we are still given some days, or months, or years, to see what we have not seen. To explore what we have not explored. Because those, can bring us even closer to feeling that God is good, and if there is anything bad, we bring it to ourselves.

Many times, I feel that we are racing with time just to see the places near to us.

In Kompas today, the headline was ‘Everyone Has to be Prepared’ (Semua Harus Siap Siaga). The news talked about earthquakes that will still happen. Of course, why shouldn’t they keep happening?. This earth is not getting any younger, yet its burden is not getting any lighter, either. And we keep on digging and scrounging what we can from it. So how can it stand still?.

Oh well. Cip’s message this morning did make me very happy. For the thought that we will explore some places again. Again showing and sharing with Tara what made us fell in love with some places. Hoping that she will keep those memories as we keep ours, that when those places are no longer there, at least the images stay in her mind.

Just like the way Sitinjau Lauik stays in my mind. One of the most beautiful sunsets that I have ever seen in my life, in one tranquil afternoon, sitting far from the beach on that very road. The way all the winding roads from Padang to Payakumbuh have made me dizzy, as well as made me awe for its thick vegetation, and stunning views.


An invitation. That was all I needed, to remind me how much I have not seen nor remembered well. And so, I must answer that.

Cip, let’s go. Before they are all gone, before they are all taken from us. Let’s go.

(RIRI)