As usual, one of my favorite ‘me time’ activities in any holiday is watching a movie, either in theatres or through DVDs. And I love watching old, non-thinking, movies. They relax me. And sometimes, while they’re non-thinking, they can make me think. Like this one.
I watched ‘Friends with Money’. Starring Jennifer Aniston as Olivia, the poorest of them all, “single, a pot head, and a maid”. Joan Cusack as Franny, who’s main concern is that her husband buys shoes that are too expensive for the kids. Then there is Jane (Frances McDormand), a clothing designer with a $800 price tag, at least, for each of her design. In her 43rd birthday Jane feels that she can find no surprises anymore in her life, though she is actually happy with her life. There is also Christine (Catherine Keener) who writes screen play with her husband.
What gets me thinking is not the relationship between these four friends. But there was one scene between Jane and her husband, Aaron (Simon McBurney). In that scene, Aaron said to Jane while kissing her fondly, “You’re my best friend”.
I loved it. I think, compared to being told that I’m pretty, I’d love it a lot if my husband thinks I’m his best friend.
And there are so many reasons for it. Because best friend goes a long way. Because best friend means we wear no masks with each other (and in this movie, I think Jane’s and Aaron’s relationship is the most honest one. Though all her friends think Aaron is gay :D). Because best friend means you’re really there for one another in all life’s ups and downs. And because best friend means you accept the other for all his quirks and habits and you accept all those, and still love the person no matter what.
But I guess there’s also a pitfall in it. The context of a ‘best friend’ in marriage can perhaps mean there is no, or less, romance?. I remember Cip once said that if we’ve become too much of a friend, we’ll perhaps lose all the romance. We’ll be connecting well. We’ll have a great relationship, still, but the lovey dovey stuff may be gone.
Maybe that’s true. I don’t know. All I know is that I want to be Cip’s best friend aside from his lover and partner. Because I think that’s going to make it easier to withstand the thick and thin of life. Being a best friend for one another means that we’re equal. We blame no one when there is a problem, but we’ll work on it together to make it work. We’ll figure things out together, appreciate one another’s effort for it. And life will go by peacefully.
Romance, I think, is another matter. While becoming a best friend means accepting and understanding, romance I think is about remembering what has given you goose bumps. You know, those moments or things he does that have made you flown so high to the 7th sky, those butterflies in the stomach. Those times when you wish time stops and everybody on earth lives you two alone. Those, I think, are the times that we should keep fresh in our minds.
And of course trying to understand what can recreate those goose bumps again. The longer we are marriage; it takes more effort to recreate those moments sometimes. But we still have to try!. I am not a romantic person (I think Cip will agree with me on that!), but I know when I let him do what he wants so much, I know I’ve touched his heart (or at least, that’s what I think! :D). So in my definition, romance is not always about those ‘fly me to the moon’ moments. It is also about knowing when and how to touch your spouse’s hearts. And how can we know if we’re not best friend to one another?.
Pretty simple, or so it seems, right?. Of course not!. Like everything in life, it needs a consistent hard work. Marriage is another type of work!. Human beings are created like that.
And I guess when it comes to marriage, everybody has a different recipe to work things out. Mine is, to seek for that ‘best’ level of friendship coupled with efforts to keep the romance fire burning. Oh and one way, of course, that I KNOW will work for us, is to plan a trip for two every once in a while. So here’s to 2 more years waiting to do that (till Lila’s 3 years old) – wherever it’ll take us, here’s to togetherness, alone, at last ;-)
R I R I