On our first night, after having dinner at a lovely restaurant called ‘Inggil’ (what a lovely place too!), we decided to play at the park at 'alun-alun' (in some places in Europe they would be like piazzas). It was a peaceful night, the air was cool, there was little traffic, and there were not too many people in the park. It was not a big park, it was not even a very clean one when we came, but nevertheless, the air and the trees in the park, and the beautiful mosque facing it was really refreshing to enjoy.
So the three of us walked around, watched people, looked at the sky and stars above, till suddenly Tara stopped and looked at something.
She stared at a man selling a very simple toy. It consisted of a head that looked like a catfish, and a body that was made of pleated coloured paper. This man pulled the toy here and there, that it moved much like a very fast snake.
Cucu, the cute catfish (? - still not sure what it actually is)
I saw this toy somewhere in Jakarta, but always when alone and not with Tara and it never occurred to me that Tara would like it. And there, in that park, Tara got so amused with it that she asked if she could have one. So my husband bought it for her, for Rp 3000.
And Tara pulled it with delight, she went up and down the stairs in the park, merrily watching her ‘Cucu’ going with her (like any kids, she has the habit of naming her animal toys).
Then my husband’s attention was taken by another toy seller, who sold a catapult like device, with somekind of a lighted arrows that is catapulted to the sky, and that arrow would look like a star coming down the sky. He bought one, for Rp 5000, and he played with it. Tara forgot about her ‘Cucu’ for a while and got busy chasing the arrow when it flew down.
The lighted arrow (Tara actually calls it a 'rabbit helicopter')
I watched them from afar, and felt really warm though the night’s cold wind was beginning to blow. I really thanked whoever created those ingenuous toys, and the sellers who persisted selling them. They encapsulate every meaning of happiness to me: nothing too complicated, there on the moment, gives simple burst of good feeling, an expression of loving attention, and a simple kind of connection yet one that I am sure will last.
Many times we forget that we can always make connections with kids through simple devices, and, cheap ones. We are so busy sometimes buying the expensive toys for them, or ensuring that they have expensive toys so they do not feel left out. Yet, many times, how often do they need those toys, really. Even if they feel left out because of not having one like their friend’s, I do not believe that it will scar them for life, as long as we give them enough room to explore other things in life. And looking at Tara playing with her ‘Cucu’, I actually can teach a lot to her: the meaning of simplicity, the ability to ‘rough it up’ (because I am sure selling those toys every night cannot be a very easy life), creativity, and the idea that happiness is how we make it, not what we buy.
In this world of abundance, we sometimes forget those values ourselves. As adults, we think, that expensive things can make us feel good. Yes to some extent that is true. But, will that happiness last?. I am not sure. In a book called ‘Happiness for Dummies’ written by W. Doyle Gentry, PhD, it states that abundance created 3 reasons for hindering people from feeling happier:
1. The hedonic treadmill effect. Our achievement actually creates a level of neutrality after some time – the point at which you feel neither positive nor negative about the world around you. This is why it always takes something more to make us happy. For example, if a kid one day is happy with Rp 5000 pocket money, after some time he will feel that it is not enough anymore though in reality he may still be able to buy things that he used to buy.
2. Relative deprivation. We constantly compare ourselves to another. For example, a kid who already has PS1 will not be happy if his friend has PS2…and the race can continue. I am not against social comparison. Someone said to me comparison with others is important so we better ourselves – but then, how far and how much should we compare, is what I am really asking sometimes when I look at how people around me behave. And kids, included.
3. Escalating needs. Simply put: the more you get, the more you want. Ever experienced how often you must tell your daughter, “You already have so many dolls, must you get another one?!”.
I never really spend heaps on toys for Tara, but these days, when she already has more variety of friends she sometimes of course falls into one of those traps. Just recently she asked if she could have one of those PS2 – not that she ever had PS1!. She just thought it looked ‘more interesting’ than her old toys. I persisted in not buying her one – and now, I think I can use those cheap toys to tell her that, look, if you can be happy with these ones and even learn from it, who needs PS2. Oh well…one must try, you know. I do not want Tara to fall into all the three traps at such a young age. I am hoping that I am doing the right thing. Because many times I do wonder if the life of abundance has actually made her falling into those traps almost automatically.
Those ingenous toys represent simplicity in life – both in real form and in value. And looking at how happy my husband and Tara played together with those, it reminds me that going back to basics actually makes us more and more appreciative of life, in its simplest form. That moment of three, that moment of togetherness, had its escalation thanks to those cheap toys, in a park where one does not need to pay to get in and play. These are the things that I believe us, as her parents, owe her to build. So she remembers, that though there is life of abundance, but at the end of the day, it should not be the abundance of things and purchase power that should matter, but the abundance of love, ability to see life differently, and most of all, abundance of eagerness to search for simple signs of happiness.
(RIRI)
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