Palembang Selayang Pandang

Palembang. Top of mind?: Jembatan Ampera, dan Pempek. 

But just like with other areas in this lovely country, I’ve always been intrigued to find out, “What else is there?”. 

Dan setelah selalu jalan di daerah Jawa, Bali, Lombok, rasanya tahun ini kami ingin lakukan sesuatu yang berbeda. Dan keluar deh idenya Cip: let’s make 2013 a ‘Visit Sumatra’ year. Dan, jadilah (eh...bukan kunfayakun lho maksudnya :D). Keluar deh rencana: Palembang, Ranah Minang, Medan dan Aceh...across the year. 

Bagian pertama, Palembang. Kebetulan pas: ada long weekend, dan Tara baru selesai UTS. Jadi, both bunda dan Tara butuh liburan :D 

Kami tiba di Palembang di sore hari. Tanpa buang waktu, jelang dos, pempek!. Pas sudah lapar pulak (and we all know what airline food’s like). Meluncurlah ke Pempek Candy yang ramainya ajiiibbb sekaliii. Setelah itu, kami meluncur ke Jembatan Ampera. 

My very first impression saat menuju Ampera: ini kok jalannya menarik ya, naik turun. Tiba-tiba teringat San Fransisco. No I’ve never been there. Tapi kan di pelem-pelem sering lihat, so it should count lah yauw :D 

Anyway, kenapa inget SF?. Karena kontur naik turun itu tadi di sepanjang jalan menuju Ampera. Kan di SF juga selalu digambarkan kontur jalannya naik turun. Nah itu ya kurleb mirip laaah. Plus, jembatan di penghujungnya. 

Kami parkir di depan Benteng Kuto Besak. Ini ‘kraton baru’ yang pembangunannya diprakarsai oleh Sultan Mahmud Badaruddin I, tapi baru dilaksanakan oleh penerusnya Sultan Mahmud Bahauddin. Dari luar, dan dengan lampu redup, kelihatannya tempat ini keren untuk dijelajahi. Sayangnya, tempat ini masih jadi markas tentara, jadi saya bunuhlah niat exploring tempat ini di hari berikut...hiks... 

Hari sudah gelap saat kami tiba disitu. Nah, di sepanjang pelataran itu, banyak sekali tukang jajanan. Yaaa basic-lah, mie goreng, nasi goreng, dan segala jajanan rakyat lainnya. Tapi buat orang Jakarta yang selalu kesulitan cari oasis, sekedar tempat jalan kaki sambil dapat pemandangan dan angin malam, tanpa diklakson dan kena macet, pelataran ini menghibur sekali. Hiburan murah, tepatnya. Nikmat sekali rasanya malam-malam sekedar bercanda lari sana sini sama anak-anak di tempat ini. Dengan temaram lampu, suara tukang ngamen sumbang sana sini, kelap kelip lampu Jembatan Ampera di kejauhan. Dan bangunan bisu benteng. Nice. 

Benteng Kuto Besak di temaram lampu

Tukang jajanan dengan kursi-kursi pendeknya

Jajanannya mie tek-tek, ada bakso dan jajanan-jajanan sederhana lain.

Capek lari sana sini, kami ke hotel. Kami menginap di Novotel. Karena kabarnya tempat ini dibuat di tanah bekas pabrik gula, dan mereka masih membiarkan cerobong asapnya berdiri tegak. Wah, saya sudah semangat 45 pengen lihat tu cerobong!. Tapi, sayangnya harus kecewa. Karena ternyata mereka merobohkan cerobongnya beberapa waktu lalu, karena banyak tamu yang complain: itu tempat mistis. 

Yak. *tepokjidat* moment indeed!!!!!. Khas orang Asia (or, Indonesia??), banget inih!. Yang menghubungkan segala yang kuno dengan mistis, hantu dan semacamnya. Padahal kan baguuuussss. Dan, unik kan?. Mana ada hotel yang punya ‘monumen’ semacam itu. Hadeuuuhhh... Anyway untungnya hotel ini juga punya lanskap yang menarik. Bentuknya yang sirkular, dengan kolam renang di tengahnya, lucu juga. 

Kami memulai petualangan esok harinya dengan menyeberang Ampera ke arah Ulu. Destinasi: Stadion Jakabaring. Iya, lokasi Sea Games 2011. Sampai sana, jujur saya merasa harus angkat topi pada para pemrakarsa lokasi ini. Keren lho, diluar Jakarta bisa punya stadion seluas dan semegah itu. Tapi sayangnya memang terkesan kurang dipelihara. Jadi ya agak gak terbayang juga 3 tahun dari sekarang akan jadi apa tempat itu. 

Thanks to the heat (iya gilak panas beeeeeuuuutttt!!!!), kami agak malas keluar mobil dan berfoto-foto di tempat ini. Kita muter-muter di kompleks itu saja. Kagum dengan konsep indoor aquatic stadium-nya, dan disainnya yang lumayan futuristik. Suka dengan bangunan kompleks atlitnya yang terkesan modern. Dan dengan stadion utamanya yang gede. By the way di halaman stadion ini kami lihat tuh teronggok gitu aja bekas tempat nyala api Sea Games. Sekali lagi, *tepokjidat* moment dong. Itu kan harusnya dipelihara ya, bukan dibiarkan jadi besi tua. 

Kepanasan. Kelaparan. Kami berhenti di restoran Pindang Meranjat. Kata Cip ini salah satu tempat yang terkenal pindangnya. Dan melihat tempat yang kayaknya juga asik untuk nongkrong, saya mah iya aja. 

Kami pesan pindang baung dan pepes patin. Dan begitu makanan datang, nyem nyem nyem...seru deh pokoknya. Ada 4 macam sambal: sambal mangga, sambal jeruk, sambal terasi dan sambal teri. 

Pepes patin ternyata diolah dengan tempoyak. Jujur walaupun saya suka sekali duren, tapi gak pernah tertarik coba tempoyak karena buat saya, duren ya duren, gak oke dicampur cemacem. Etapi, saya harus jilat air liur saya sendiri karena pepes patin ini wenaaaakkk sumpah!. Sambalnya rasanya gak sesegar sambal jeruk, tapi ya, itu, enak!. 

Pindang Baung-nya juga aduhai rasanya. Kuah yang segar, agak asem pedes plus bau kemangi, melengkapi makan siang yang maknyus di siang panas hore itu. 

Empat macam sambal, ada juga ikan apa saya gak nanya, yang digoreng kering

Nah ini si pepes patin dengan sambal tempoyaknya. Yummyyyy

Selesai makan siang, kami mencari Kampung Kapitan tepat di tepi sungai Musi. 

Ini kampung sisa-sisa peradaban Tionghoa, yang berawal dari datangnya perwira China dari Dinasti Ming sekitar abad 14. Saat Belanda menjajah, para pendatang ini dijadikan pengawas atau pengatur kawasan ini. Mereka yang paling tinggi status sosialnya, diangkat menjadi Kapitan atau Kapten. Dan karena status sosialnya yang tinggi, Sang Kapitan ini memiliki rumah yang paling besar di kawasan itu.

Di kampung ini ada sekitar 15 rumah, dengan campuran gaya arsitektur Cina, kolonial, dan Palembang. Saya tidak menghitung sih sebetulnya ada berapa rumah yang sekarang ada disana.

Yang paling mencolok adalah rumah inti si Kapitan, dua rumah besar. Dari cerita orang sekitar, keluarga Kapitan yang terakhir sudah tidak memiliki kekayaan yang sama seperti dulu, sehingga tidak lagi mampu merawat rumah peninggalan itu. 

Nevertheless, one can still see the beauty of the past. Traces of Chinese culture masih terlihat sangat kuat di sana sini. Di rumah utama ini bahkan tersimpan panggung untuk Wayang Potehi. 

Rumah panggung di depan gang

Masih dengan lampion khas Cina

Rumah inti si Kapitan. Nurut saya benda di tengah itu agak mengganggu...

Anak-anak lokal berteduh di bawah rumah tua

Panas yang luar biasa memaksa kami tidak berlama-lama di Kampung Kapitan ini. Kami menelusuri tepi Sungai Musi dan menemukan Klenteng Dewi Kwan Im. Ternyata, sedang ada perayaan hari ulang tahun (or something...pokoknya sedang ada perayaan), sang Dewi. Jadi ada banyak sekali lampion-lampion khas Cina, dan orang-orang yang datang untuk berdoa. 

Saya ajak Lila masuk ke klenteng ini. Hihi....dia lumayan bengong dengan bau asap hio, patung di sana sini, dan orang-orang yang sembahyang. Nice introduction to the different side of life. 

Lampion yang kalau malam membuat tempat ini gemerlap

Masuk ke klenteng

Salah satu meja persembahan

Di dermaga menuju klenteng ini ada masjid kecil. Di jalan kecil tepat diluar klenteng ini ada toko yang menjual buku-buku agama Islam. Ada kursus baca Al-Quran. Berdampingan rapi dengan klenteng dimana di dalamnya ada persembahan daging bagi. Tuh. Kerukunan beragama. Toleransi. Tapi kenapa kita selalu bolak balik dengar berita miring tentang agama berbeda yang bertengkar?!. Dari tempat ini saja kelihatan betapa kepercayaan yang berbeda ini sudah lama berdampingan dengan damai. Lalu kenapa harus ribut-ribut tuh yang lain-lain? *gemesmodeon*. Some heads deserve some good smack. Or tepatnya, butuh pelajaran sejarah dan sedikit usaha mblusu’an untuk kenali negerinya sendiri!. 

Beranjak dari klenteng, kami berusaha cari Kampung Arab. Tapi karena minimnya tanda, dan minimnya pula keterangan di peta-peta yang ada di tangan Cip, kami hanya menemukan tempat yang ternyata adalah pabrik es batu untuk industri milik keluarga Alwi Asegaf. Siapa mereka?. Jangan tanya saya, wong saya juga tahunya dari tulisan di gedungnya. Gedung pabriknya yang cantik yang bikin kami berhenti sejenak. Tepat di seberang, berdiri tegak pabrik Pupuk Sriwijaya, atau Pusri. 

Kelihatannya ini gedung kantornya...

...dan ini gedung pabriknya. I like the building. Well built and well preserved

Menyeberang balik ke Musi Ilir, maksud hati menjelajahi musium Sultan Badaruddin. Ini adalah bekas istana. Alas, it was under renovation!. Hwaaaa....terpaksa gagalkan niat. 

Untungnya juga hari mulai agak teduh. Saat yang tepat untuk naik perahu ketek menyusuri sungai Musi menuju Pulau Kemaro. 

Ada 2 pilihan untuk ke Pulau Kemaro ini. Bisa menggunakan perahu ketek, atau perahu motor biasa; atau speed boat. Makan waktu sekitar 30 - 40 menit dari dermaga di dekat Pasar 16 Ilir untuk menuju ke pulau kalau dengan perahu ketek. Dan 20 menit dengan speedboat. Tapi jauh lebih menarik dengan perahu ketek, karena bisa nikmati pelan-pelan kehidupan di tepian Musi dan rumah-rumah panggung mereka, dan melewati kapal-kapal besar kecil. 

melewati bawah jempatan Ampera

Hehehe...kasian Pak Supir, difoto deh :)

Nikmati pemandangan dari sungai ini menarik. Rumah-rumah panggung, dan yang jadi favorit saya: mesjid-mesjid kampung TANPA KUBAH. That's a refreshing view, seriously!. A totally local architecture.

Ini salah satu masjid bersejarah

Pulau Kemaro di kejauhan

Pulau Kemaro ternyata punya cerita. Ada sebuah legenda, yang ditulis di prasasti di pulau ini. Orang-orang lokal membangun kuil atau klenteng di tempat ini untuk menghormati legenda tersebut.

silahkan dibaca apa legendanya :)

tempat-tempat persembahan

prajurit gagah perkasa

'stupa' tinggi di kejauhan

Beranjak dari Pulau Kemaro sekitar jam 5 lewat, kami disuguhi pemandangan matahari terbenam yang romantis ke arah Jembatan. Bangunan pabrik Pusri cakep juga lho dengan cahaya matahari terbenam!...hehe.. 

Cakep juga kan pabrik ini begitu matahari mulai terbenam? :)

Sampai di darat, kami nikmat sebentar gedung istana sang Sultan yang sekarang diterangi lampu. Cantik sekali gedung ini. Mudah-mudahan setelah renovasi bertambah cantik. 

Our last day in Palembang, sebelum terbang balik ke Jakarta esok siangnya, kami ingin habiskan dengan mengunjungi musium-musium. Ada 2 yang ingin kami kunjungi: Musium Tekstil dan Musium Balaputradewa. Sayang, apes lagi.

Musium Tekstil sedang dalam proses alih fungsi menjadi....heritage hotel!!!. Wah padahal saya ngarep banget bisa lihat koleksi-koleksi kain-kain khas Palembang. Dengan sejarah songketnya dan songket-songket tuanya. Hiks...

Mencari musium Balaputradewa juga bukan perkara mudah saudara-saudara!. Dari peta, Cip tahu bahwa arah musium ini adalah ke arah bandara. Dan dari beberapa info dari internet, Cip tahu gedung musium ini juga cukup besar. Naaahhh....kami berasumsi gedungnya di pinggir jalan. Tapi setelah celingukan, gak juga ketemu musium itu. 

Akhirnya ketemunya pun gak sengaja. Cip lihat plang dengan tulisan Musium Balaputradewa, di ujung sebuah belokan kecil!. Waduuuhhh....musium kok nyempil. Dan gak ada tanda yang maksimal. Kami jadi wonder, ini siapa kira-kira yang akan datang ke musium ini ya. 

Dan benar saja. Sepi sekali musiumnya. Pengunjungnya hanya kami, dan ada satu pasangan lagi. Musium ini supposed to keep the story of tanah Sriwijaya. Nah saya agak punya high expectation nih, having been to Trowulan dan musiumnya yang koleksinya bikin bangga. Considering ini adalah Sriwijaya, saya ngarep bisa ketemu peninggalan-peninggalan pentingnya, plus koleksi yang sama massive-nya dengan Trowulan. 

Ternyata, kuciwa lagi. Semua relief, dan barang-barang batu terutama, hanya replika. Kami menduga aslinya mungkin sudah ‘pindah’ ke Jakarta (semoga di Musium Nasional). Dan koleksinya secara umum lumayan sedikit. Ada 3 ruang pameran, dan hanya sedikit yang dipamerkan. Saya nggak tahu apakah karena masih dalam proses pendataan, atau memang hanya itu, atau memang sudah pindah ke lokasi lain misalnya Musium Nasional itu. Nevertheless, agak sedih juga lihat koleksinya di tempat yang sepenting Palembang dengan sejarah Sriwijayanya. 

Diorama pelayaran Melayu

Patung-patung di belakang Tara itu semua replika. Rather sad, sih...

Sebagai obat kuciwa, target berikutnya adalah belanja. Kami ke daerah kerajinan songket. Nah di daerah ini juga, waktu kami celingak celinguk mencari toko yang pas, sekelebatan kelihatan banyak rumah-rumah panggung. Saya jadi gemes, pengen mblusu’an dan lihat-lihat. 

Akhirnya setelah belanja, karena hari masih panas dan kayaknya gak pas untuk mblusu’an tanpa resiko pening kepanasan, kami ngadem sebentar di KFC. Haha....long live modernity!. Kenapa ke KFC?. Simple: cari es krim!. Dan gak seperti di Surabaya atau Semarang yang punya toko es krim legendaris, di Palembang ini (sepertinya, at least kami gak nemu info dimanapun) gak ada. Padahal panaaasss asoy. Jadilah, KFC itu tadi :D

Setelah ngeskrim, kami nyebrang ke Kambang Iwak Family Park yang teduh gak jauh dari KFC. Ini juga oasis banget. Mirip seperti Situ Lembang, bedanya ini lebih besar dan lebih teduh. 

Kayak di hutan ya?

Setelah matahari sedikit lebih ramah, kami balik ke daerah songket. Saya sendirian sedikit mblusu’an di kampung sekitar. Nikmati kehidupan sore. Diikutin anak-anak yang tertarik ingin tahu saya ngapain dengan kamera saya. Dan nikmati sisa-sisa rumah-rumah panggung cantik disana sini.

mancing sore-sore

that charm somehow stays in these houses

ngobrol sore-sore

7 hari dari hari kami di Palembang, akan ada Pilkada. Rupanya kampung ini adalah stronghold dari salah satu kandidat: Sarimudo. Bapak ini semangat sekali minta saya foto, dan minta, "Kasih lihat orang Jakarta nak? Ini kampungnyo Sarimudo, pilihan kami". Siap Pak! :)

Bahkan dengan segala 'tumpukan' pun, rumah-rumah ini tetap kelihatan charming. Oh well, need some imagination. Di imajinasi saya, saya sedang mblusu'an di 'Indonesian's Venice'...

Another charm that lasts...

Ini saya lupa nama masjidnya tapi termasuk salah satu masjid kuno. Sekali lagi saya suka sekali dengan non-kubah style-nya. Go local architecture!

Yah gitu deh sekelebatan Palembang. Jujur kami sedang sedikit malas mengeksplorasi saat kami disana. Panasnya agak membuat kami sedikit repot untuk me-manage anak-anak. Hihi...bukan karena takut hitam, tapi takut mereka semaput kepanasan :D 

But those 4 days and 3 nights were nice to know this place though not a lot. Sekali lagi kami belajar: Indonesia itu, indah dalam segala kemajemukannya.

Hell yeah, Ms. Mayer! (hope you are doing the right thing at the right time)

Ha?. Seriously?. One of the founders of the first virtual company in market research industry in Indonesia, supports Ms. Mayer’s ban on working from home?. Has she gone mad?. 

Oh c’mon. Don’t shoot me yet. Let me just tell you a story. 

Ever since I graduated from college, I’m a true believer that working, should not be confined in a cubicle. In fact, I’ve always hated the feeling of being surrounded by walls, 9 to 5 (or even more than that). The first time I stepped into an office, and saw rows of cubicles, I trembled and disliked it instantly!. The only thing that made me decided to finally join a company, was because I loved the kind of work so much that I wanted to learn from the best in the industry. There, a heavy motivation, yes?. I had to have one!. If not I wouldn’t have jumped to it.  

So when I could have my way (via convincing the boss that I could not work well in the office, and the report I produced would just be crappy, and that would make the client angry and so on and so forth), I worked from home from time to time. In the 90s, working in cafes was not that popular yet (or maybe I was not trendy enough...haha..). 

And to me that worked perfectly well because I could focus more, I could be more creative to some extent (at least to my standard of creativity and thank God clients never complained! – though they never said I was creative either :D). Office, with all its boring walls and decorations (or, lack of them), only stopped me from opening up my mind with alternative ways to solve a problem. 

As I climbed up the corporate ladder, I realized that there were some people in the team who seemed to share the same ‘brain wave’ with me. That they too, I observed, produced a lot better work when they worked away from the office. 

At first, I let anybody worked away without any clear defined rules. And, troubles began. 

Let’s face it. Not everybody can appreciate that the chance given to working from home (or wherever else but office), is a space to be treated with the utmost respect. And not everybody can actually measure himself if he actually fits with that model of working. And there will always be those who think that working away is a priviledge not a responsibility!. 

What kind of troubles that I’m talking about here? – missing deadlines, sloppy work, including MIA!.

Needless to say that created bad impacts:

• We all worked in teams. The sloppiness of one person would impact on the team, not just that particular individual. So the whole team sometimes had to come to the rescue just because of one person’s crap. And that brought down morale.
• Client relationship was bruised.
• I got pissed off. Very, very, pissed (and it was ugly...).

So we reviewed the policy. We all still believed that working away does have its merits. But to make it worked well, we realized that there must have been some guidelines, to ensure that everyone respected the space, and the team spirit was kept intact. 

So we made those guidelines, simple ones like:

• One should tell the direct manager if he decided to work away from office, and for doing what. An agreement between the team member and the manager must be made in terms of what he should deliver at the end of the working day. So everyone understood the expectations.
• All communication devices must be on during office hours. He should be available for calls. Emails should be answered within the day.
• Any violation to the above, would mean a warning from the manager. Three times warning would mean a ban for that person to work away for a month

That sounded harsh?. Well, a company was built on one basic assumption: it has to make money. And it will not be able to generate money without a good and effective workforce. And no money means no pay. Workforce suffers, company suffers. End of the game. So yes, rules are needed, no matter how humane one wants the company to be!. 

And yes there were questions and resistance because we were so lenient before. But just like your mother used to say to you, “I know best my dear so shut up and eat your vegetables”; I said, “This is for you, your team, and for the company, so do it. Sorry if you don’t like it but that is how we’re gonna do it from now on”. 

Guess what. It actually improved the whole experience for everybody. Slowly people began to realise that this policy was not meant to restrict their moves. Rather, it brought predictability and clear expectations. No more bad work, no more MIA, no more team that suffered from one person’s ignorance.

You’re probably wondering by now, this story is different from what Ms. Mayer did!. So why the hell did I say I support Ms. Mayer’s controversial statement?. 

Let me tell you another story. 

In 2007, the same company were we applied that policy to working away, was in crisis. 50% of the revenue stream, was gone due to a lost of contract at a regional level. And Indonesia happened to be one of the biggest markets for the corporate, and hence, we suffered one of the toughest fall. Hell on earth. Panic attack. 

The company was small – only 35 full time employees. Nothing in comparison with the gigantic Yahoo. But crisis is a crisis, whatever size the company is. And though the impact will naturally be different, yet emotion will still be the same. 

What happened when company was in crisis? Insecurity. Instability. Gossips. Assumptions. You name them. Everything negative was in the air. 

And when would all that negative be stronger?. When people were not around. They would assume that person was off somewhere for a job interview!. Or that person was being laid off. Or whatever else. 

If you think that’s silly. Think again. Human emotion is interesting. In the toughest of time (or even not in the toughest of time), we have the capacity to think and feel of the worst almost immediately. Why do you think there are so many motivators trying to teach people to think positively?. There.

So we had to deal with that kind of emotions. From every corner of the office, at every layer – from office boys to Directors. It was fun. 

So what did I do?. I didn’t do what Ms. Mayer did. I didn’t ban working from home. But you know what? – it was the managers who decided to do so!. 

Yup. I didn’t ask them to do that. And you know their rationale for doing so?: because this was the time when we had to stick together. This was the time when the word TEAM was put at test. And with everyone in the office, if there were questions, doubts, gossips, it would be easier to tackle. We had an open door policy. So when people were in the office, they could always discuss what they thought and felt with their direct manager. Rather than feeling blue and being depressed and fantasizing the worst at home alone!. 

So everybody was in the office day in, day out. Everybody helped whatever they could – because with 50% loss of work, that meant there were people who were somewhat jobless. And since we tried so hard not to do any lay off, as much as possible we spreaded the work equally according to their skills. We fought to prove to our regional office that this was the team that we had to hold on to, not to lose. 

And we had to sell, sell, sell. We went to every single pitch in town. And I still remembered the emotion everytime a team had to go on a pitch. Everybody would stand up, gave an applause, cheer, yell, say great words, prayers. And when the team came back, everybody would ask how it was, shoulders were being tapped, supporting one another, praying that we would win the pitch!.

It was a wonderful feeling, seriously. I still get goosebumps remembering all those. In that tough time, together, physically, we were there for one another.

When things were better, stable, without anyone even noticing the same system of working, worked again. Life was good. Same rules applied. Everyone was happy again. 

So you see, I could empathise with Ms. Mayer. I, as none of you too, actually don’t know the real rationale behind her controversial ban, and what she communicated internally afterwards. But I know that having everyone physically in the office, when time was tough, was a real comfort. Provided that there is a very clear goal to achieve, and a clear plan of how the company is going to be saved, and in return, how their lives are going to be affected. 

Maybe that’s what Ms. Mayer is trying to do. Trying to make people involved in actions taken to safe Yahoo. Getting people discuss face to face of the possible actions. And while technology is good to assist these discussions remotely, still, from my personal experience I know face to face is still the best thing. 

You can feel the aura of togetherness much strongly. You can shake each other’s hands to ‘seal the deal’ to agreed actions. You can even do those yells that basketball players do just before the game, or a harlem shake, whatever!. And it is exciting!. It lifts the spirit and it does wonders at difficult times. You can only achieve that through face to face interactions. Technology, should not and cannot replace that. Especially not in crisis. 

I have to admit I’d love to interview Ms. Mayer and understand her real point of view and rationale for her statement. Still, my two cents worth, I believe she’s just trying to pull things together. So let’s lay low on criticisms now, and let’s watch that space. 

But if that ban goes on forever even when crisis is over, then maybe that’s the time when I’d say “I’m now against you Ms. Mayer” :D  

(R I R I)

Once, there were them....

As one grows old, one will begin to be left by those who have made a difference in his or her life, and begins to leave his or her own footprints. 

That’s obvious, isn’t it.

Though obvious, I guess that is also one among the hard stuff of growing old (apart from raising kids, having to pay the bills, and the list go on!). I didn’t actually realise the magnitude of ‘being left’, until it really happened.

I always thought that being left, cause of leaving: death, by those people who have left footprints in your life, is something that is sad yet life will go on the same way. Apparently, I mislooked the fact that if that person has left such a strong footprint, then your life will never feel the same though it may operate the same way.

My first taste of that, was about 10 years ago.

It was a good day in the office. I was working peacefully in my room when my mobile phone rang. Someone gave me a shocking news. A friend, a mentor, a motherly figure, passed away after years of fighting cancer.

That day, reminded me of the same day I received the news of the passing of my late father. The world suddenly came to a complete stop. I was trembling. I couldn’t even utter a single word. I put the phone down, didn’t quite know how to react. Till suddenly, something inside swelled and just got bigger and bigger. Just like a snow ball going down hill. And I broke into uncontrollable tears.

Sarah Robson. I first met her when I was still a newcomer in the market research industry. I was scared of her first: a big, loud, Australian lady with long strides who always spoke in sharp words especially when checking reports!.

Yet as years gone by, I’ve grown quite fond of her. Her passion in research was also contagious. She was another person that I knew back then, who looked at research in a different way: that we are not just data deliverers, but we are responsible to put data into a good sense that clients know what to do afterwards. Simple, you think?. Well, not that easy, I tell you.

She, was amongst a few people who have taught me a lot about being ‘brave’ with clients. To not hide bad news behind words and numbers. But put it up front – big and bold; and substantiate that with good reasons. 

She taught me how to question and challenge – client’s as well as my own point of views. She was one of those people who have shown me that being in research, doesn’t always mean you’re at the bottom of the pyramid. If you are brave enough to take a stand for what you firmly believe in, based on what you believe consumers react and behave, then say it and earn the respect.

Ibu Sarah, as everyone called her that time, was a firm and yet a very kind hearted lady. She may scare you with her screams especially when she was exasperated with your report, but she would also listen to you for your personal problems.

We’ve grown quite close. When Sarah had to move to Melbourne, I was very sad. Losing her as a source of great learning, and some kind of comfort to know that she was around, had a big impact to me. But she still came to Jakarta once in a while as a consultant, to train us on some things.

On one of her many visits to Jakarta, I remember she pulled me from my cubicle to an empty room. She looked at me in the eyes, and asked me, “Now. Tell me. Why are you so unhappy?”. I was startled. “What do you mean?”. “Oh you know what I meant Riri, I know you too well. You’re one of those people who cannot hide what you feel. And I know you’re unhappy. Why?”. And I smiled at her. “Bu, you never stop surprising me”.

Then we talked for almost an hour. She left me with, “This is your life, Riri. Nobody says you have to stay. So think of what’s best for you and get on with it”.

The next time we met, was in Melbourne. She was already fighting cancer for some years by then but still had the same zest of life. I was happy to see her still swinging and loud and cheerful as ever. Though I knew that there were painful moments she had to face because of all the chemotherapies and what not. Still, I saw the exact same woman. Her spirit never withered.

We had coffee near Victoria Market, and she said, “I can see you’re happy now. Hope you’ve made the right decision and enjoy the new road you’re taking next. I’m happy for you”. And that was the last time I saw her. Still thinking of others so much. Still caring for others even at times when she needed all the attention, perhaps.

After that, we only exchanged emails. She no longer came to Jakarta due to her health. To occupy herself, she apparently studied again. She enrolled in a program – I wasn’t sure what. But she became a student again!. At the age of 50 something, with cancer. That was just Sarah being Sarah.

Then that phone call.

I never knew losing not just a friend, but someone who’s made a difference in my life, would feel that way. Of course losing my father suddenly was hard – but that was like, of course it hurt, right?. I mean, losing someone who’s given you the right to use his name. Whose blood flows in you. Of course it hurt to lose that person. But I never experienced losing a meaningful friend until Sarah’s passing, and it hurt like hell.

That pain of losing. I lost a mentor, a great friend. Someone who’s helped me to shape what I love doing, and doing what I love. Someone who’s shown me that life has a lot to offer if you don’t let all the downs, let you down.

But then time has this magic ability to make you forget about that pain. Until, a similar situation happens again and it’s dejavu.

14 February 2013. A valentine’s day. Though I’m a hopeless romantic for some things, but valentine’s day is never my thing. It’s just another day to me. What made it different this time, was that this would be a date that opened up the same wound.

I was working peacefully at this cool place. I just listened to a very interesting discussion. And I was ready to work on a report. Then, a phone call. The caller said that he ‘was struck by lightning’ upon getting a bad news and thought if I’d known anything about it. Of course, I didn’t and I couldn’t believe my ears when the news was finally confirmed.

And the same thing happened again. The same uncontrollable tears. That pain, came again. The pain of losing not just a friend, but a person who’s made a difference in my life.

Erwin Azis. I first knew him in 2003. I was working in a company which used the service of the company where he worked. My first impression was a friendly, good looking, cheerful, and very nice person to talk to.

Later as I climbed the corporate ladder, I got to know him even more. This was a man of his words – what he promised, he would deliver. He had integrity that I instantly admired. He had, something, which somehow I knew would make him a great partner to work with.

Around 2005, we thought we should ‘tease’ him with an idea. To set up his own business to further support us. We had the needs, and we believed he was the right person to do it. He had the skill, which was field operation, and most of all, he had the integrity and attention to quality that we highly valued.

He was unsure of the idea. I could relate to that. After years of being an employee, having your security by montly paycheck, of course the idea of having a venture of your own could be a bit daunting and threatening. And he was a father of four. So he was uneasy. But we kept pushing him. I gave him my word that we would never abandon him, that we would always have business ready for him because our needs were at that time great.

And so he did it. He set up a company. And together, we grew.

There were hard times but he somehow survived. I was happy to observe the growth of his company. Happy and admired him for the work ethics that he’s set up. The examples of good work that he laid out for his team to look upon. He was, a natural entrepreneur as it turned out to be. And he was a good leader from what I observed.

Then it was my turn. My turn to be at that crossroad between staying on as an employee, and starting my own venture.

Since 5 years ago, Pak Erwin was amongst those who kept on telling me I should start my own. Not only that. He went on saying that, “Don’t worry about support, I will support you Bu. So why don’t you just do it”. And I kept on laughing on that idea, scared of it.

Until almost 2 years ago when I finally said that was it. I’ve had enough of working with another company. I wanted the freedom to do what I think should be done.

And getting him as a partner, as a sole supplier, was a big part of the plan. A man that I could trust would help us deliver the quality. And again, in all of our meetings he kept on stating the same thing: not to worry, he would back us up in any way that he could possibly help. And now, for almost 2 years, he stayed true to his words.

I didn’t owe him money. But I owe him my gratitude. A lot more difficult to pay than money. 

I thank him for believing that we could do it and put a bet on us. He took risks too by assisting us. I thank him for, with others around me, pushing me out of my comfort zone. And like Sarah, and a few other people, he was also my example that if you work with passion and integrity, you can always survive even the toughest time in your working life.

At the age of 48, still considered young, Pak Erwin passed away yesterday. At the time of his company’s tremendous growth. At the time when he seemed to have lots of plans going. And at the time when we had plans going to strengthen our partnership going forward. Alas, God has own will and God’s power over us is as always tremendous.

I again lost not only a good friend, but another source of inspiration. Sarah gave me the inspiration for being strong and LIVING even at times when the smell of death is so near. Pak Erwin was my inspiration for building a confidence over what I’m good at and what I can do with my skill. Among other people, they’ve made a mark in my life. In my heart.

True that time, heals all wounds and stitches all holes in your heart. But they never really close properly, don’t they. Those holes stay there forever in your heart. Not bleeding anymore, yes, but they stay as reminders that there were people leaving footprints so deep that your life is not the same anymore.

I’m glad that I’ve had those people in my life. That there were these people leaving their legacies, on each and every path that I’ve taken.

And now that they’re gone (and others will someday too...), I know I’ll still cherish, thank, and keep them here with me. They did not just leave memories of friendship. More than that, they left a trace of living a good life with good values.

May they rest in peace. May their good deeds guide them to the best place. And may their wrongs be forgiven by The Giver and Taker of Life. Amen. 

(R I R I)

Weaning

Having a baby again after 7 years, is a roller coaster experience all over again. But like I did with Tara who's now almost 9, I enjoy it, so much.

And just like what everybody said, after 7 years, this feels like the first time again. Especially, breastfeeding.

I only breastfed Tara for about 7 months – before she cut herself off after I left her for 10 days. A heartbroken experience, I must say. And this time, I have sworn to myself to never let that happen again with Lila. It hurt too much, for me.

More than 20 months have gone by now. And now it’s time for me to think of weaning Lila from breastfeeding. And I must admit this is a different challenge altogether. And I also have to admit there’s a little part of me that’s been crying since day 1 my brain’s told me that I should start doing it.

And that got me thinking.                                                         

This is not just weaning Lila from breastfeeding. There’s more to this. This is also weaning myself – from looking at her as my total dependant, to allowing her to be free, explore the world on her own at times.

This, suddenly I realise, is a sign post of the beginning of a long journey: that Lila needs to have a space of her own. When she’s 2, she has to know that she has more strength to explore. She no longer needs mommy all the time, she can make decisions on her own – for the little things (and later for the big things). And I have to be ready to give all that to her so she can be a stronger person. A person who I hope will be a better one than I am. 

Sounds too big and philosophical, maybe, considering I’m talking about a toddler!. But think about it. Weaning is not just about breastfeeding!. I think weaning happens all the time once you’ve become a parent.

As the children grow, we wean them from their dependency to us. We wean them from our forever watchful eyes. We even wean them from our pockets too one day!. So to think that weaning is only about breastfeeding is a simplistic view of motherhood, of parenthood.

And so as I am going through this topsy turvy period of making Lila thinks that the breasts are not her forever source of comfort and food, I am also preparing myself. Preparing myself not to disturb the process. Preparing myself to see her as an independent human being. As a person who has her will and wishes that I should respect. As a person who needs my guidance to develop her own rules of life, and not for me to force my rules on her.

And that applies too for Tara. I may not experience weaning breastfeeding with her, but all other weaning, I have to do them too. A different story altogether. But with the same intensity of emotion, I must say.

And so far, as much as I find this challenging, I am enjoying it. Just hoping that I am not making myself too much of a monster for my daughters. A monster who keeps saying, “No you can’t have that forever”, no matter how well-intentioned I am. 

And I hope they’ll find it in their hearts one day that mommy is just trying her best to make them better people than she is, by weaning them from things that they may have grown comfortable with. And that we will always remain in one another's heart. That love, is something that we will never wean ourselves from.

And they may need to wean themselves from things they've grown comfortable with one another too...though the hearts,will always remain as one..