Once, there were them....

As one grows old, one will begin to be left by those who have made a difference in his or her life, and begins to leave his or her own footprints. 

That’s obvious, isn’t it.

Though obvious, I guess that is also one among the hard stuff of growing old (apart from raising kids, having to pay the bills, and the list go on!). I didn’t actually realise the magnitude of ‘being left’, until it really happened.

I always thought that being left, cause of leaving: death, by those people who have left footprints in your life, is something that is sad yet life will go on the same way. Apparently, I mislooked the fact that if that person has left such a strong footprint, then your life will never feel the same though it may operate the same way.

My first taste of that, was about 10 years ago.

It was a good day in the office. I was working peacefully in my room when my mobile phone rang. Someone gave me a shocking news. A friend, a mentor, a motherly figure, passed away after years of fighting cancer.

That day, reminded me of the same day I received the news of the passing of my late father. The world suddenly came to a complete stop. I was trembling. I couldn’t even utter a single word. I put the phone down, didn’t quite know how to react. Till suddenly, something inside swelled and just got bigger and bigger. Just like a snow ball going down hill. And I broke into uncontrollable tears.

Sarah Robson. I first met her when I was still a newcomer in the market research industry. I was scared of her first: a big, loud, Australian lady with long strides who always spoke in sharp words especially when checking reports!.

Yet as years gone by, I’ve grown quite fond of her. Her passion in research was also contagious. She was another person that I knew back then, who looked at research in a different way: that we are not just data deliverers, but we are responsible to put data into a good sense that clients know what to do afterwards. Simple, you think?. Well, not that easy, I tell you.

She, was amongst a few people who have taught me a lot about being ‘brave’ with clients. To not hide bad news behind words and numbers. But put it up front – big and bold; and substantiate that with good reasons. 

She taught me how to question and challenge – client’s as well as my own point of views. She was one of those people who have shown me that being in research, doesn’t always mean you’re at the bottom of the pyramid. If you are brave enough to take a stand for what you firmly believe in, based on what you believe consumers react and behave, then say it and earn the respect.

Ibu Sarah, as everyone called her that time, was a firm and yet a very kind hearted lady. She may scare you with her screams especially when she was exasperated with your report, but she would also listen to you for your personal problems.

We’ve grown quite close. When Sarah had to move to Melbourne, I was very sad. Losing her as a source of great learning, and some kind of comfort to know that she was around, had a big impact to me. But she still came to Jakarta once in a while as a consultant, to train us on some things.

On one of her many visits to Jakarta, I remember she pulled me from my cubicle to an empty room. She looked at me in the eyes, and asked me, “Now. Tell me. Why are you so unhappy?”. I was startled. “What do you mean?”. “Oh you know what I meant Riri, I know you too well. You’re one of those people who cannot hide what you feel. And I know you’re unhappy. Why?”. And I smiled at her. “Bu, you never stop surprising me”.

Then we talked for almost an hour. She left me with, “This is your life, Riri. Nobody says you have to stay. So think of what’s best for you and get on with it”.

The next time we met, was in Melbourne. She was already fighting cancer for some years by then but still had the same zest of life. I was happy to see her still swinging and loud and cheerful as ever. Though I knew that there were painful moments she had to face because of all the chemotherapies and what not. Still, I saw the exact same woman. Her spirit never withered.

We had coffee near Victoria Market, and she said, “I can see you’re happy now. Hope you’ve made the right decision and enjoy the new road you’re taking next. I’m happy for you”. And that was the last time I saw her. Still thinking of others so much. Still caring for others even at times when she needed all the attention, perhaps.

After that, we only exchanged emails. She no longer came to Jakarta due to her health. To occupy herself, she apparently studied again. She enrolled in a program – I wasn’t sure what. But she became a student again!. At the age of 50 something, with cancer. That was just Sarah being Sarah.

Then that phone call.

I never knew losing not just a friend, but someone who’s made a difference in my life, would feel that way. Of course losing my father suddenly was hard – but that was like, of course it hurt, right?. I mean, losing someone who’s given you the right to use his name. Whose blood flows in you. Of course it hurt to lose that person. But I never experienced losing a meaningful friend until Sarah’s passing, and it hurt like hell.

That pain of losing. I lost a mentor, a great friend. Someone who’s helped me to shape what I love doing, and doing what I love. Someone who’s shown me that life has a lot to offer if you don’t let all the downs, let you down.

But then time has this magic ability to make you forget about that pain. Until, a similar situation happens again and it’s dejavu.

14 February 2013. A valentine’s day. Though I’m a hopeless romantic for some things, but valentine’s day is never my thing. It’s just another day to me. What made it different this time, was that this would be a date that opened up the same wound.

I was working peacefully at this cool place. I just listened to a very interesting discussion. And I was ready to work on a report. Then, a phone call. The caller said that he ‘was struck by lightning’ upon getting a bad news and thought if I’d known anything about it. Of course, I didn’t and I couldn’t believe my ears when the news was finally confirmed.

And the same thing happened again. The same uncontrollable tears. That pain, came again. The pain of losing not just a friend, but a person who’s made a difference in my life.

Erwin Azis. I first knew him in 2003. I was working in a company which used the service of the company where he worked. My first impression was a friendly, good looking, cheerful, and very nice person to talk to.

Later as I climbed the corporate ladder, I got to know him even more. This was a man of his words – what he promised, he would deliver. He had integrity that I instantly admired. He had, something, which somehow I knew would make him a great partner to work with.

Around 2005, we thought we should ‘tease’ him with an idea. To set up his own business to further support us. We had the needs, and we believed he was the right person to do it. He had the skill, which was field operation, and most of all, he had the integrity and attention to quality that we highly valued.

He was unsure of the idea. I could relate to that. After years of being an employee, having your security by montly paycheck, of course the idea of having a venture of your own could be a bit daunting and threatening. And he was a father of four. So he was uneasy. But we kept pushing him. I gave him my word that we would never abandon him, that we would always have business ready for him because our needs were at that time great.

And so he did it. He set up a company. And together, we grew.

There were hard times but he somehow survived. I was happy to observe the growth of his company. Happy and admired him for the work ethics that he’s set up. The examples of good work that he laid out for his team to look upon. He was, a natural entrepreneur as it turned out to be. And he was a good leader from what I observed.

Then it was my turn. My turn to be at that crossroad between staying on as an employee, and starting my own venture.

Since 5 years ago, Pak Erwin was amongst those who kept on telling me I should start my own. Not only that. He went on saying that, “Don’t worry about support, I will support you Bu. So why don’t you just do it”. And I kept on laughing on that idea, scared of it.

Until almost 2 years ago when I finally said that was it. I’ve had enough of working with another company. I wanted the freedom to do what I think should be done.

And getting him as a partner, as a sole supplier, was a big part of the plan. A man that I could trust would help us deliver the quality. And again, in all of our meetings he kept on stating the same thing: not to worry, he would back us up in any way that he could possibly help. And now, for almost 2 years, he stayed true to his words.

I didn’t owe him money. But I owe him my gratitude. A lot more difficult to pay than money. 

I thank him for believing that we could do it and put a bet on us. He took risks too by assisting us. I thank him for, with others around me, pushing me out of my comfort zone. And like Sarah, and a few other people, he was also my example that if you work with passion and integrity, you can always survive even the toughest time in your working life.

At the age of 48, still considered young, Pak Erwin passed away yesterday. At the time of his company’s tremendous growth. At the time when he seemed to have lots of plans going. And at the time when we had plans going to strengthen our partnership going forward. Alas, God has own will and God’s power over us is as always tremendous.

I again lost not only a good friend, but another source of inspiration. Sarah gave me the inspiration for being strong and LIVING even at times when the smell of death is so near. Pak Erwin was my inspiration for building a confidence over what I’m good at and what I can do with my skill. Among other people, they’ve made a mark in my life. In my heart.

True that time, heals all wounds and stitches all holes in your heart. But they never really close properly, don’t they. Those holes stay there forever in your heart. Not bleeding anymore, yes, but they stay as reminders that there were people leaving footprints so deep that your life is not the same anymore.

I’m glad that I’ve had those people in my life. That there were these people leaving their legacies, on each and every path that I’ve taken.

And now that they’re gone (and others will someday too...), I know I’ll still cherish, thank, and keep them here with me. They did not just leave memories of friendship. More than that, they left a trace of living a good life with good values.

May they rest in peace. May their good deeds guide them to the best place. And may their wrongs be forgiven by The Giver and Taker of Life. Amen. 

(R I R I)

Weaning

Having a baby again after 7 years, is a roller coaster experience all over again. But like I did with Tara who's now almost 9, I enjoy it, so much.

And just like what everybody said, after 7 years, this feels like the first time again. Especially, breastfeeding.

I only breastfed Tara for about 7 months – before she cut herself off after I left her for 10 days. A heartbroken experience, I must say. And this time, I have sworn to myself to never let that happen again with Lila. It hurt too much, for me.

More than 20 months have gone by now. And now it’s time for me to think of weaning Lila from breastfeeding. And I must admit this is a different challenge altogether. And I also have to admit there’s a little part of me that’s been crying since day 1 my brain’s told me that I should start doing it.

And that got me thinking.                                                         

This is not just weaning Lila from breastfeeding. There’s more to this. This is also weaning myself – from looking at her as my total dependant, to allowing her to be free, explore the world on her own at times.

This, suddenly I realise, is a sign post of the beginning of a long journey: that Lila needs to have a space of her own. When she’s 2, she has to know that she has more strength to explore. She no longer needs mommy all the time, she can make decisions on her own – for the little things (and later for the big things). And I have to be ready to give all that to her so she can be a stronger person. A person who I hope will be a better one than I am. 

Sounds too big and philosophical, maybe, considering I’m talking about a toddler!. But think about it. Weaning is not just about breastfeeding!. I think weaning happens all the time once you’ve become a parent.

As the children grow, we wean them from their dependency to us. We wean them from our forever watchful eyes. We even wean them from our pockets too one day!. So to think that weaning is only about breastfeeding is a simplistic view of motherhood, of parenthood.

And so as I am going through this topsy turvy period of making Lila thinks that the breasts are not her forever source of comfort and food, I am also preparing myself. Preparing myself not to disturb the process. Preparing myself to see her as an independent human being. As a person who has her will and wishes that I should respect. As a person who needs my guidance to develop her own rules of life, and not for me to force my rules on her.

And that applies too for Tara. I may not experience weaning breastfeeding with her, but all other weaning, I have to do them too. A different story altogether. But with the same intensity of emotion, I must say.

And so far, as much as I find this challenging, I am enjoying it. Just hoping that I am not making myself too much of a monster for my daughters. A monster who keeps saying, “No you can’t have that forever”, no matter how well-intentioned I am. 

And I hope they’ll find it in their hearts one day that mommy is just trying her best to make them better people than she is, by weaning them from things that they may have grown comfortable with. And that we will always remain in one another's heart. That love, is something that we will never wean ourselves from.

And they may need to wean themselves from things they've grown comfortable with one another too...though the hearts,will always remain as one..

The Enchanting East part 2: The Bali Fragment

I’m back! (or....another report is not yet coming my way....hehehe). 

Bali. I think anyone who hears the name, will have the same thought: that exotic land where tradition, religion and culture live side by side beautifully. 

And often people are familiar with Kuta, Legian, Nusa Dua, and most of South Bali parts. I am sure most of us have ventured to many of those places. We have too. 

So this time we went to North West Bali, for two reasons: looking for peace (we would be in Bali near New Year – so we could only imagine the crowd in all those popular places!); and exploring a new terrain in Bali. 

We picked Pemuteran as a place to stay. There are plenty of places to stay. There are resorts within the National Park – under Menjangan Resort; but there are also other smaller ones including various home stays. We stayed in Aneka Bagus (got it from Agoda). 

Aside from exploring some places in North West Bali, we spent some time traveling till Amlapura. I stopped to snorkel at Tulamben – they have a ship wreck only about 20m off shore, an easy swim since the sea is very calm. And on our way to Ngurah Rai to fly home, we took the middle route from Seririt passing through the twin lakes of Bunyan-Tambingan; and Bedugul, as it is shorter yet still offers the gorgeous view (and having gone through that route, we’ve just decided next time in Bali we’d stay in Munduk to enjoy the lovely scenery of the mountain areas).

An alternative route from North West to the South (or vice versa) is to go through from Singaraja, where you’d pass through Kintamani and Batur. I took this route a long time back from Denpasar to Lovina and back. But I found the route that we took this time was a lot ‘friendlier’. Both routes have lots of bends, but the route from Singaraja has a lot more sharp bends and I just felt it was tougher than the route Cip chose. 

So if you’re interested to explore North West Bali from the usual South part (i.e. Kuta and surround), I’d suggest if you have plenty of time and confident of your driving skill (cause you’ll have to go through sharp bends as you climb up the mountain area), go through the longer route. I went from Denpasar - Ubud – Batur lake (you’d have to take a a bit of a turn if you want to stop by here) – Singaraja – Lovina. 

If you’re short of time, it is best to do what Cip did. 

But no matter which route you’ll choose  – I don’t recommend you doing a day trip because this part of Bali is just too beautiful to ignore. Stay a night of two either at Lovina (where you can do dolphin watching early in the morning), or Pemuteran which is the ‘gate’ if you wish to explore the National Park and visit Menjangan island. 

And don’t worry about the road condition. I always love traveling in Bali because the roads are soooo smooth!. So in many ways it’s always an easy drive. But you have to be very watchful cause the motorcycle riders are a lot less ‘attentive’(for a lack of better words) – they will appear from anywhere with no sign :) 

The PURPLE lines (which I hope you can see) - are the ones we took in this trip. The GREY one is the one I took long time back. Both routes are very, very, scenic

[...]

Soonest we reached Gilimanuk and entered North West Bali, we were greeted by an empty road covered with lush vegetation. We were in the area of West Bali National Park – not in the middle of it of course, but you’ll pass through it if you are going towards the North West Bali tourist areas. 

We knew this place would offer something different. But how different, was what we were about to find out... And we were delighted by what we experienced. 

But I guess North West Bali is more for those looking to experience the wildlife of Bali (which you can do by exploring the National Park. We didn't do it this time but surely will be back next time!); or just to enjoy the great outdoors. There is no shopping here! - so don't expect to see rows of shops!. 

And prepare your tummy for great seafood - a range of fresh fish, cooked in various ways, will await you. 

 On the ferry from Ketapang – excitedly waiting for the next things to see and enjoy

What a delight to see the lush vegetation

And NO TRAFFIC!! :) This is Bali – one of the top destinations during holidays. So to be able to see this long, empty stretch of road, was so relieving for us 

The view from Aneka Bagus lobby – gorgeous, isn’t it?

The beach at the back of the hotel. I agree that the beaches in North West Bali are not as fun to play at, unlike those in the South, because the sand tends to be coarser. But, the sound of the waves everywhere is the same: soothing and calming. And you are always greeted by the clean water

Roaming around Pemuteran and its surrounding, we came across Pulaki Temple. Apparently a very important temple. Its history is described in a poster that they put right in front of it. This temple is a tribute to the monkeys believed as the saviours of a holy man. But unlike those in Sangeh temple, the monkeys here are more timid, less likely to come to you and grab things off (though I was still warned by a guy to not have any dangling things). 

 These monkeys were a lot more timid. They would not jump on you – unlike those in Sangeh

 Praying before the day’s activity

There are other temples, of course, in the surrounding areas. Many need to be reached by climbing many stairs to the top. And of course one has to be properly attired to go into temples. Since we have 2 little ones, we only visited them from the outside. One of it is Kerta Kawat – which has a lovely backdrop of the mountain. 

Do you know that Bali has a local wine called Hutton?. Well, we found local vineyards as we ventured in and out of the villages!. Don't imagine those like what we know vineyards in the western countries. They are very modest here. And when we were there, the grapes were in season. I tried it, but it was too sour for my liking. So I wondered actually if the wine is good or not. Not a wine drinker myself, so I wouldn't have known what a good wine or not anyway!. 

The village road

 The local vineyard

The grapes.. They are small and black blue when ripe

But apparently the locals really love them. We saw people flocking around this seller at Kerta Kawat Temple

And as you go around this part of Bali, you'll be entertained with the lovely views of the long stretch of mountains... 

And of course you're not in Bali if you did not meet anyone doing any ceremony. The only traffic jam we experienced, was caused by a family who were about to have a cremation of their relative (Ngaben). 

Enough mountains?, then hit the sea!. Menjangan island is a mere 20 minutes boat ride from the port. If you are a diver, I am sure you'll have this on your list. It has great coral walls. Even when snorkeling I could see its beauty. So I could only imagine if I could still dive, I would probably be too reluctant to go up... A pity though I did not have an underwater camera with me...

There are three snorkeling sites. There are 2 posts in this island. Normally, the boat will first take you to Post 2 - which is the more crowded one :) You can already see lovely corals here. And you can also see the walls. But, my favourite was the spot IN BETWEEN Post 1 and 2. The corals are a lot healthier because this spot is less crowded, plus farther away from the beach so people don't step on the corals so much. 

Post 1 is more peaceful. And in this spot is where kids can play at the beach because it doesn't have too much of dead corals so their feet won't hurt so much. But make sure you get to the part where there are no sea urchins (bulu babi). 

The small 'port' to cross to Menjangan. They usually put per boat price - so you'd better find friends to go with otherwise it's quite expensive, around IDR 700 - 800,000/boat, up to 3 hours. And they will add around IDR 50,000/half hour

 On the way to Menjangan island. The sea is very calm

 You can already see the fishes by the boat once you arrive in Menjangan

 this is off the beach a bit at Post 1. If you have kids with you, they can swim also at Post 2, but it's more crowded by people who are about to snorkel or dive. Plus, there are dead corals underneath, unlike here where it's mostly sand so it's a lot more comfortable for their feet. But make sure you ask them to take you to the spot where there are no sea urchins 

We went dolphin watching too from Lovina. It was something having to wake the kids up at 430am, took an hour drive from Pemuteran to Lovina. But it was worth the effort!

We saw the dolphins, but we had to do some chasing around :D According to our boat rider, we had to do it because there was a strong current so the dolphins were going everywhere. Still, we were happy to see them bouncing around. 

We went off at 6am, sharp. It was IDR 60,000/person, for about 2 hours

See the dolphin on the right, that 'dot'?. No?. But we saw them alright....after some chasing around

 I suspected the dolphins were playing with us. There were many of us chasing them, so I guess they bullied us by not making it easy for us to see them :)

Ventured out to the Eastern part of Bali - we went all the way to Amet. We stopped by at Tulamben, where I snorkeled at the ship wreck. Finally!. I have heard about it when I first learned diving. And my diving instructor told me to go there for an experience. Unfortunately now that I could finally visit, I could no longer dive! :D But it was an interesting experience, and one that I could document!. 

They rent the snorkeling gears as well as underwater cameras. Make sure you bargain the fees with them!. 

At first the guy told me the camera can be rented at IDR 300,000. I declined and just before I went away, he said I could rent the snorkeling gears + camera for IDR 200,000. Still expensive, but it was about to rain so I gave in. Altogether I paid IDR 300,000 for the gears, camera, and a buddy for 1 hour (you should never snorkel or dive alone. You should always have a snorkel or dive buddy). Not the best bargain I could have - but I only had limited time cause Cip would have to baby sit Lila who God knows when she would ask to be breastfed; so I just took it without too much thinking to save time. 

(the stupidest thing was - I actually have snorkeling gears at home!)

It was raining so we could not have the sunshine to show the colours of the corals. It would probably look a lot better in a bright day.

While in the east, we visited two historical places: Taman Air Tirta Gangga and Taman Ujung. These were the 'holiday' places of the old kingdoms. They served lovely views: of the mountains, and of the sea afar. 

And you must experience the route from Amet to Amlapura where these places are located. There were points along the road where you can actually stop and take pictures. But we didn't do it cause I was busy taking care of the kids, and Cip was already quite tired of having to stop at every point :D 

But I would never forget the views. The intricate details of the padi fields - that you can only see in Bali. The mountains, and the overall feeling. It was a view worth keeping. 

 Taman Tirta Gangga

Taman Ujung

The view just outside Taman Ujung

And finally the trip home. I was captivated by the views in the area of Munduk. Determined to stay over there next time around!. 

One thing to note when you go through the mid part of Bali - it can get very misty. And since we passed it in wet season and it was raining when we went through it, it was really misty. 

But we had a great view of Bunyan and Tamblingan lakes - as we bid farewell to Bali, and as we swore to ourselves that we would come back to explore the mid part of Bali and enjoy the mountain area a lot more. 

My effort of making a panoramic view of Bunyan - Tamblingan, the twin lakes

It was really cloudy as we went down from the twin lakes towards Denpasar 

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” ― Saint Augustine of Hippo

Very true indeed. And as we travel from one place to another, we always have a note - new places to see, new people to talk to, new experiences to enrich life. 

So we'll do this again and again. Bali again, or maybe Sumatera next time. Or go further east. Where ever it is, we'll never stop. 

(R I R I)